Showing posts from 2010

He He He

Ha ha ha ha. Mazaa aaya aaja. Kisi ka kisi ko bheja hua SMS maine galti se padh liya. Ha ha ha ha. Mere boss ka meri subordinate ko bheja hua SMS. Thoda scandalous types.. ;). Mazaa aaya ji mazaa aaya. ;)

At your (dis)service

Getting bitter about people and circumstances can be so easy at times…heck, its easy all the time. Its so often a product of what you value against what others do…or difference in perspectives or simply not getting what you want. I find myself either irate or depressed or frustrated a lot these days. It’s like I’m asked to order what I want to eat and everytime I order something…its either not available/ will take years to make/ if made, doesn’t taste the same.“An orange juice, please.”“Sorry, not available”“Do you have pineapple?”“Yes, but we dont serve pineapple will be served diced”“Umm..ok, do you have vanilla ice cream to accompany it?”“No..we have Strawberry”(Strawberry & Pineapple??)“Ok..then can you get me a strawberry milk shake?”“No, we don’t have milk”“Great. Then just get me the strawberry icecream?”“Sure. Will be served by another guy who’ll be here in 30 mins…I’m off my shift.”Get the drift? I start with Orange juice and end up with Strawberry icecream..tha…

Decision(?) Making

We are moving to a new office and seats were being assigned. So, the alignment started basis hierarchy and the VP/AVP population obviously choose the corner cabins/cubicles. Next in line were the Senior Managers, with yours truly being one of them. Now there were 5 cubicles left and 7 SMs to be seated. So, in a common sense scenario, you’d look at the profile & the job requirement and take a call. For eg. If someone is on a lot of customer calls, he gets one or if someone is in a role which has a higher privacy demand, he gets one. But lo & behold, how did we decide? We picked chits!! Yes!! School is not yet over and we still make long standing decisions by picking chits!!And guess what? HR didn’t get a cubicle..(mebbe my boss isn’t lucky enough..I should’ve picked mine!!) and we, the ones whose main job is discussing about employees’ & their related concerns, will now sit in proximity with Operations. Bang in the middle of the floor!! So everyone can see what we are worki…
wow..its been 2 months since i last updated this space.
Never realised how difficult a self motivated change is...u r ur inspiration...u r ur detractor. 
Never mind.
Keep walking.
© Z.
I really don’t know how it feels to leave an organization..have been with the same one since my career started...people seem so happy and care free when they are in the exit mode!! I want to leave too!! But I will have to clock another 17 months before I can...sniff sniff
So often I find myself in this situation....wherein you dont want to be with a particular bunch of people..coz obv u dont like them or the way they are...but they are having fun and chilling out..and you want to be part of that 'fun' you are like.."ok...lets compromise" and u actually dont end up having either your self respect or that 'fun'.

This whole thing of being accepted is so wicked. Why the hell dont I have people I can easily gel with, around me? Its often those vain, bitchy creatures who make me want to scream. But if those are the only ones around..what do you do? Its a choice between being by yourself in your room or out with them. And its not easy, when such choices become a frequent thing.

So at some level, I'm so indifferent to all this..but at another level, I have this whole 'social image' thing which bugs me no know, when how important your existence is defined by number of parties you get invited to. You want to …

Short Story

Normally, she wouldnt take up something she wouldnt do justice to. But this time around, there was a conflict in her mind. Her heart said, "Let's do it!!" but her mind was cautious. "I'm not sure", it said, "It would change a lot of things" "So, what..? Have never done something like this...and given the odds, you might make it through." "Hmm. Are you sure you want to do this?" "YES" "...Ok...lets go."

And with this last thought, she took the leap from the 45th storey of her office building.

End of story. Literally & figuratively.

© Z.
I am feeling happy today. :) I got infected by some queasy worm in my tummy and had allergic reactions all over my body :). Mom and dad learnt about it and called 5 times in last 24 hours :). My khaala who's my favt doc in the world called thrice :). After having lived by myself for such a long time and being kinda self dependent for felt great to have folks call up and trying to take care, atleast remotely :). I feel so cared for :)

I do talk to Mom & Dad almost every other day...but these calls were something else...beyond expression.

I miss home..

© Z.

Trust me! :)

The normal way to decide if someone is dependable or not is measuring how many times they've lived upto their commitment or deliverable.

But at times, you get this 'sense' that someone is dependable. This is most often triggered by the person's aura or the way they carry themselves. So if someone is charming and makes you feel at ease, its easy to believe that they are dependable. Not always, though.

People who are aware of their weaknesses often do a great job at hiding them. If I know I'm not dependable...I will atleast portray an image to the contrary. This helps me decide which ones to be dependable for or even hide behind my "good aura". If you have 2 people, 1 who does the work but starts with a "I dunno if I'll do it.." or "I hate doing this"..and another who starts with "Sure, why not" and eventually does not do it...its easier for people to believe the latter to be more dependable than the former. Coz..u built a …


I usher in the 29th year of my life...28 years gone by, huh...without much ado, at that. By 29, my mom had all three of us, with sis & me in middle school :). I'm happy juggling professional life with a sketchy personal life.

Didnt mean to start my birthday post on such a note...but the ambience is such. I'm by myself, in my room in the central part of Guatemala city, Central America. Hindi songs from the 90s fill the room...those growing up years...somehow I always view my life from that point...its like am stuck there...I'm 18..looking at my life at 28.

How was life at 18? I had finished my 10+2 with Biology, physics & chemistry subjects. Mom & eventually Dad wanted me to be most in my family. Munawwar Fatima was a thick friend at that point..who is now no longer a part of my life. I still rem'ber her landline number though. I didnt clear the medical entrance with kind of marks needed for a government seat. Dad was in Fiji Islands. We were …

One more down...

My boss quit. Sigh. She was a nice lady.Shit happens.Which brings me to the theory I have been postulating for some time....that my relation with any boss doesn’t last usually beyond 6-9 months...either they quit or I move out. The good ones quit, I move out when its a jerk.For my personal records, the bosses list belowApr 06 – Started workingJul 06 – Boss 1 moves to CorporateFeb 07- Boss 2 quits; Boss 3 is a super jerkMay 07 – I change cities..Boss 4 is niceSept 07 – I move across to a diff business..Boss 5 is okMar 08 – Boss 5 quitsAug 08 – Boss 6 quits, Boss 7 is a jerkFeb 09 – As part of the leadership prgm, I move on a rotation. Boss 8 is the worse of the lotDec 09 – The worse had to be there for the longest period. Ass.Jan 10 – Feb 10 – No bossMar 10 – Boss 9 is niceJun 10 – Boss 9 quits. Boss 10 is nice as wellAug 10 – Boss 11 as my rotation ends and I move to a business for long termSo 4 years of working and 10 bosses. Super.
Seriousness of life has stuck in me in the past few days. What's important and whats not so important. What's a fleeting glory and what is long lasting happiness. So often decisions are made keeping the here and now in mind...we like to think it'll all add up to what we want to do in life. Sometimes it doesnt even fall in line with what we want to do, but we do it nevertheless.

I've realised the importance of being around with your folks coz one never knows when they might need you..this whole shit of exploring the world is good for a vacation, not as a long term option.

The fact that I have people - friends  & family - who knew me as a kid, still in my life means the world to me. Really it does. It's so imp to be there for them ...

Am all senti in this post...just waiting to fly home...

© Z.


I’m going mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Saala bad luck hi kharab hai

Patience patience patienceI’ve slogged and done in 60 days what my precedessor didn’t in 1 year. And now…right before my performance review, my boss is hospitalized. Jinx, thou name is Zarine!


Until it passes by, the worth of the opportunity doesn’t strike u. FCUK.

Pearls of Wisdom from Hiring team

If you cant fix it, forget it

After a long time...

As the feather floats eerily into the room
I look upon and wonder
Where did I see this one before?

As it gradually agrees with its gravity
I hold my gaze steadfast
Does this bring some ol memories to the fore?

As it glides on, slowly but surely
I ponder...
do I hold on or let go?

The dainty being settles to its fate
I cant tear away
Can the connect now built be foregone?

As its poised calmly at its shore
I send my thoughts across
May they rest with thee, dear feather...

For they no longer belong to me

© Z.

What to do!

They extended my stay here by 3 months. So I'll be back by Aug end.

My first reaction to this news was "Uh Oh".

Mebbe I should've been happy abt it...that they like my work and want me to do some more projects (read dirty my hands more) for them, but what concerned me was Vish. And his reaction...confirmed my fears.

My poor baby :(...

© Z.

Oh my handsome kid...

A good ol' friend has been after my life to post her to come up with weird ideas!!

Now what exactly is it?? Its a letter to your kid..yeh, beat that! :D So I'm to write a letter to my kid and tell him (yes, i want a boy) of all the gyan i learnt in my life. I think I can redirect him to this blog and he'll stop taking his mom seriously.

Ok..what pearls of wisdom do I have for my lil devil...lemme dig the treasure trove of my mind they are :-

Learn to deal with Cognitive Dissonance (hahahaha)There will always be a right thing to do and a good thing to do...unless u screw urself coz of the latter, u wont realise the wisdom of the formerLove your parents...they cleaned after your shitSerious one - Dont let anyone tell you that you cant do something. And dont take everything that everyone tells seriouslyHave friends...lots of them...but have a circle u can bank on to pull the rug from right under ur feet when u r having  a ball of a time ;)Money aint all…
I have run out of words to express myself. They all sound the same now. I'm like a piece of parched land, with nothing to offer to the life that sprouts from it. I'm so fatigued... with the insecurities and anxiousness that I have been living with for years now.

The tipping point sometimes just comes by. Its may not always be grand or significant. A tiny grain of sand can tilt the scales.

These hands dont have the strength to raise to the Lord and ask of so tired of asking. Its not that He hasnt provided me...but more often than not its like an SOS call to 911. Help arrives in time...but the experience leaves you exasperated. Its a close call. All the time.

I'm tired of being nice to people..of caring about everyone around...of thinking about them and their thoughts and their well being. I'm tired of thinking what will happen of me....I'm tired of thinking what will not happen of me...I'm tired of trying to provide to thankless people...I'm tired of …


All this traveling is making me mighty depressed.

© Z.


I overheard this at work today. An agitated senior manager screaming at his team “Please!! I WANT you to participate voluntarily…do u get that???”Wah. This is called ‘enabling employees’ ;) ;) ;)


Wheee!! I just accidentally discovered where Operations stores Snickers bars for ‘On Spot Recognition’!!! Here’s to happiness filled days ahead!! :D :D :D:wickedgrin:

U get it wrong, Senora!

Latest from my boss.We were discussing launching a retention contest. I asked her how many voluntary and involuntary attritions we had. She says “Lot of involuntary and few voluntary”. I was like,”really?? We ask so many people to leave??”  To which she replies…”No no..u get the meaning wrong. We don’t want them to leave and hence the involuntary attrition is more”.I and the Ops guys could stop laughing for few mins outside her cabin :D

I love hot chocolate!

I came back from work and headed for the hotel lounge. I was generally browsing through FB, et al and ordering nachos in steaming cheese with a cuppa hot chocolate (yes, feel jealous, thats the whole point ;) ) when I thought of making this post. Its a serious kinda post.

A good ol friend gets married this month. Dude, you have been part of my life and part of this blog. We wish you a content life ahead...the one where each moment is cherishable.

Which brings me to the point that all the readers of this blog are single. Now that this dude gets married, mebbe we should revoke his access to this blog :P

Have we ever thought how greedy we can get in life? more often than not this leads to not so good situations. when a guy and gal are good friends, when does it change to love? when do u know u r crossing the line? what is it about the relation that makes them want to take things forward at the risk of their friendship?all the guys i was in love with were my friends once, except for one. …


Breaking News – Bryan is trying to flirt around with me. Yooo.Hoooo.

Kiska rasta dekhe aey dil aey saudaai

The lush green scenery reflects back at me from work station…I look ahead and see row and rows of workstations. Sometimes when I have time, I go thru the site…dunno, that site has become a habit…if I don’t have anything to do, I head to it. Not an active contributor anymore, but like reading articles there.So there’s one thread on “No IIM calls even after 99%ile - All izz not well”.  This thread has candidates ranting on the IIM selection methodology and how their lives are now ruined…so much hard work, still no call.Circa 2003, when we were preparing for CAT, the IIMs did seem like the most important thing ever. Then getting a good summer placement, then a good job, then a good salary, then a good position, then a promotion, a better salary, a better position, a better promotion. 4 years have gone by since MBA days and I see the futility of it all. Being in HR allows you an exclusive view of the organization. Ha! So every time anyone talks about performance linked bonuse…

Day 3

Hey folks,Well, today’s the third day at work and not much is happening… in I met my boss on the first day and got my deliverables for the next three months…just that what I got for three months is something I can finish my march end itself. And I don’t want to tell her that and add more stuff to my list coz am sure, she’ll keep passing ad hoc stuff to me anyways.She’s an amazing lady, my boss. Her English amazes everyone. I intend to capture all those gems as and when they’re spoken and pass them on for greater human good. Some stuff she’s said till now:“Carlos, I know you going but when you come back, for this project, I want u on top of me”“Yesterday and today I will be going early to home on personal high”“Are you kidding me my job”“Can you mail me this so I can flag the pole”Could only get these many in the cumulative 20 mins that I’ve had with her on 2 days. Shall keep updating, though. BTW, she thinks the task of processing letters in MS word for 300 employees, with thei…

Day 1 at Work

Got up at 5.30 am…on the way to work at 7. Arrive at the facility at around 7.25…just one team member is in..Cindy. By the way, let me introduce you to my team here..Suzzette – my bossCindy, Ana, Jennifer, Bryan.Bryan is so delectable that post our first meeting I wanted to eat something!! :- )))) I have this increasingly sinking feeling everytime I meet my team members…they jump around that I’m here and how much they need me and how they are all stuck and which basically means we are screwed and cant figure out how to escape and thanks for replacing our ass with yours.Ok baby..lets see how it goes.

Journey So Far you doing? (somehow, everytime I say that, I picture Joey!)This is gonna be a lengthy post with every gory detail captured (yes, am excited!!)Ah! Did the last 30 hours just fly by?? I rem’ber being told by all and sundry that the 15 hours flight to US would be excruciatingly boring and then a halt of 4 hours followed by another 5 hours flight would turn me into a well done steak. Hmm…but actually, the one thing that I seldom scolded myself for came to my rescue. My inane ability to SLEEP. Anywhere, Anytime. So during the fifteen hours flight to the US…I was wide awake in the first hour…slightly drowsy by the second and post dinner, completely in slumber. Which lasted a good 10 hours :D. Well yeah, there were intermittent breaks coz of people wanting to move around and also since the first 2 hours of my sleep were uncomfortable due the position. But I remember being surprised and impressed by myself that I could so easily adjust and how comfortable the whole set up was for a …


Step 4 done!!! Kick ass!!!

© Z.

I need this!

Please..I pray to the Almighty...let me not wander...let me not get tempted...let me not go astray...let me...please please let me finish Step 4 today... Jeez..I just have 3 hours to do that!!
 © Z.


Step 3 done!! Dhin chak dhin chak dhin dhin!!


This post is dedicated to Zareen Kazim.
Babes, I salute the way u manage to stay happy and spread cheers inspite of all the crap u face. I really pray God grants us all with such perseverance and blesses you with happiness and love that is clearly overdue.
You make me want to do stay happy and shrug away all the bad things in life!
*Standing Ovation* *Clap* *Clap* *Clap*
© Z.

Corp (Crap) Life

I caught up with a colleague from my previous business unit and as usual, gossip was in the air. Somethings never cease to surprise me. How being visible matters more than being efficient. How some business decisions are made just to appease to some big guy’s senses. How slogging your ass off is no guarantee for any acknowledgement, leave alone recognition. How for some people their positions and titles mean so much, that they are willing to be as mean as possible. How its easy to stab your peer in the back…and how hollow people can be.What amazes me is…how difficult is it for people to be nice?? To simply acknowledge that someone did a good job…to be courteous. Why are people so secretive about their promotions and movements? Why cant an organization be confident enough to be transparent? Why do people hush about someone’s growth? Why doesn’t that person him/herself talk about it unless asked?I used to think that maybe I wasn’t up to it…but now when I see a pattern emerging, I realiz…

Some day in Feb '10

Being by yourself can do weird things to your mind. Besides wondering what to do next, you find yourself often being sucked into the past. People, moments, thoughts, incidents. And if there's any particular song, which meant something back then on the playlist, then the roller coaster ride is guaranteed. It's like a pause in a life playing in fast forward. 
I am still stuck in Step 3. Being more than 2 weeks since I studied spanish. Tengo que aprender mas espanol pronto.
I wish I was paid a rupee everytime someone had "Give me some sunshine, give me some rain, give me another chance, I wanna grow up again" status messages! And invariably, they'd be a couple of folks who'll 'like' this status. What's wrong with people? Was their growing up so fucked up that they'd wanna do it again...or mebbe it was so awesome, that they'd live it again?!
When I think about my past...I am so fine with it. There's no part I wanna do again. I just want thos…

Thus spake Rumi

My dear heart never think you are better than others. 
Listen to their sorrows with compassion. 
If you want peace, don't harbor bad thoughts do not gossip and don't teach what you do not know. 

© Z.

And so on..

Step 2 done.

Received the offer letter today. Sent the acceptance. Might fly by first week of Feb...hope that the fog clears out by then. Turbulence scares the s*** out of me.

© Z.

Music time

Hola! Step 1 over...I start Step 2 today. Yipee!

I decided to organize my huge music collection and while at it...I decided to create playlists. The first one to form, of course, was the romantic songs (Nikhil - stop wincing)

Here's the English collection of romantic songs. Not in any particular order...not even alphabetical:-

I don't want to miss a thing - AerosmithAint no sunshine - Al Green (Notting Hill)You belong to me - Jason Wade (Shrek 1) I'd love you to want me - LoboLove Story OST - Andy WilliamsAll I want is you - U2My heart will go on - Celine Dion (of course! ;) )Endless Love - Lionel Richie & Diana RossI will always love you - Whitney HoustonNow and Forever - Richard MarxStand by me - John LennonWhen you say nothing at all - Ronan KeatingI will be there for you - Bon JoviCan't help falling in love - Richard MarxHow deep is your love - The Bees GeesYou're beautiful - James BluntAt Last - Etta James (it should be the last track...nicely wraps up the m…

Yeh, whatever

One of the reasons I made this blog private was...I really wanted to vent out a lot of stuff without fear. All the people who can read this are the ones who know what's on in my life.

It's dark and cold. Just got off a call with my school pal. It's so important that as you grow ought to have those people who knew you when you were young. 

Anyways, the discussion veered around friends getting married, some becoming proud parents, to pestlike colleagues, personal lives et al. I do envy some of them for being happily married and settled down...and their posting gorgeous pics doesnt help either.

To be honest, when I do ask myself, what do I envy them for...its for the certainty in their lives. From where I look, they have good jobs in good companies, have a good partner and a good family life. Atleast, that's what all those pictures suggest. I miss those in mine. Ok...I do have a good job in a good company...but it could've been better. getting greedy he…

Ekdum Lukkha

It's break time...or rather bench time. I'm on bench!!! That's what an employee is when they have no work 'officially', right? 

So cool. :D

Well...nothing much is happening these days. I play weird games on Facebook, watch TV, learn some spanish, do some household chores and that's kinda about it. Day starts at 12 pm and ends at 12 am. I check mails intermittently, with the hope that the team from my next role will finish the paperwork and let me know when I can join them. 

So here's to vella panti...cheers!

© Z.

You need all the ingredients, sir

Nicely put by Seth.

It's increasingly common...this kind of thinking. Do your own stuff, be accountable, dont be the victim, be the change you want to be and so on.

What gets me thinking is....if so many of us are thinking in this direction, why are so many of us still cribbing too? Thought is the first step towards action but many a times, it's just not enough. One also needs vision...the vision of how the changed state will be. One also needs reasons...reason why the change needs to happen. One also needs make the change happen. And above needs conviction...that the change HAS to happen.

So while someone's job may suck and thinks he deserves better....he'd need a lot more than that thought.

© Z.

How Peculiar

Most of the folks in HR function...when they start giving a speech or presentation, start at a very elementary level. You know....if they want to relate 2 concepts....2 very simple concepts....they'd invariably start with explaining both the concepts, no matter how simple or well understood these are already. They make sure everyone gets to hear from them anyway. And when they relate the concepts...they behave as if they discovered e=mc^2. Voila!!! And they also await the reaction from the audience....clap everyone!!!

Come to the finance function. They'd first hate you for wasting their time in giving speeches to dumb audience. And they have a completely opposite approach. They'll start with e=mc^2, expect you to know how they derived it, sigh in disgust when you give a blank expression, explain the whole concept in the most dry manner and get done with it.

Operations? They'd start with whining about why e=mc^2 had to exist and how many challenges they face daily due to …