December 18, 2007

New year resolutions

Hirdu Has tagged me for publishing my New year resolutions. Ah! Tagging reminds me of those good ol times...when we had just started blogging and the whole 'tagging' was a 'in' thing to do. Wherever one would go....there would be some post honoring some tag.

Good ol times.

Ok, let's get back to the topic. I checked my Jan 2007 post for 2007 resolutions and was amazed at how I did uphold some of them without realising it. Let's see how I fare in 2008.

Damn, I cant think of any resolutions! :(.

Umm. Ok...just one.

I'll take care of myself.

I know how difficult it is. Let's try :).


© Zarine.

Lost in the maze.

Everything cant be important. Everything cant be urgent and everything cant be "do or die". What's the fuss about??

Corporate lives are so dictated by deadlines. And half of them were to be met 'as of yesterday'. I realise (which I keep doing every now & then), we got nothing to lose we if we stop fretting & fuming. I love my Hyderabadi culture for this. "Ho jaayega...tensions kaiko lere?" Chill. I keep chasing myself...yeh karo, woh karo. Uff. Kaiko??? Nai karte. Karlo jo karna hai.

Hehehehe. It'll be fun if I can say that to my Boss ;). But unfortunately, I've built for myself a repute wherein any report/ data is submitted much before the deadline. Now, that's coz I leave everything that I'm doing and finish the task who's deadline is closer. Bad. Bbbbbaaaaddddd man!!!

My little over 20 months experience in Corporate life tells me that things eventually manage to happen. If you dont do it, somebody else will do it for you and vice versa. But I'm so hung up on doing my own things, that I dont remember when was the last time I delegated. Wait. I think I did so recently. Hmm. So I delegate to my subordinates, but I dont delegate to my peers. Okay. Let's leave it at that.

Am directly responsible for 300 people and indirectly for another 120. No wonder am stuck to my Laptop & phone all the time....solving queries, hiring, redeploying, report outs, pitches and all that jazz. I need to reach out to my people. How sad it'll be, if folks whose queries I solve dont know how their HR manager looks like :((.

So what's the point here? I need to prioritize. Bah. Rather I need to break free! I had decided on some model for my time management....havnt yet implemented it due to lack of time! How ironical!!! Well...lets do it then. Some discipline...some method...some sense and some sanity is badly required.


© Zarine.

'X' Dimensions.

Cobwebs are built in those areas where there's less or no activity.

The human mind has many dimensions. The spiritual, the social, the self, the philosophical, the philanthropical, the practical, the materialistic & the ethical. Now, given the pace at which we live our lives, one of these is bound to be more active & another one the least. That's when cobwebs start developing in those dimensions. Our clarity of thought is affected when we try to access them. Over a period of time, we stop thinking in those dimensions & our thoughts clearly lack a 'holistic' view.

It can be taxing at times if one wants to be all of the above. The point isnt to be all of the above at once....but to be one of them atleast once, over a period of time. Atleast 2 dimensions can be incorporated in daily lives, without even realising it. More than 2 would require some effort, but should be easy with practice.

Now, as complex as the human mind is, the 2 dimensions that we choose to incorporate also have to be the 'right combination'. Combining Spiritual with Philosophical might make others think that you have lost it. Materialistic + Practical might make you shrewd & manipulative. Ethical + Philanthrophical would make you a Saint. To be 'complete', one needs to discover the right combinations of dimensions to be used at the right time.

That's experience. And a rich one if you learn each day.


© Zarine.

November 30, 2007

I miss her.

Today one of my best buddies, Seema along with her cute lil daughter, left for Saudi Arabia to join her husband. When she was in India, we’d talk atleast once every 2 weeks and catch up. I met up with her on my last visit to Hyd. I’m already missing her.

With my mood already in the flashback mode, I switched on my comp and selected songs from 2002-2004 releases. That was the time when we were closest and had a time of our life. And while I listen to these songs, not just Seema, but couple of other pals also flashed my mind. Life was so innocent just ~6 years back. What were the worries besides lectures, notes & projects?

Endless chatting on Y!...infact, 2 of my good pals now come from those mad chatting sessions…Ritesh & Zain. Glad both of them doing well for themselves in life now. But I miss those times. Life was so full of anticipation back then…there was so much to look forward to.

What’s life now? It’s a series of meetings & deadlines. Week after week, month after month, year on year. Same goals…give some, take some. Atleast, off late, I have the flexibility of working from home. Thanks to which I didn’t miss any deadlines. Back to square. You can shout, but you cant escape.

I cant understand myself at times….aur kya chahiye mujhe life mein? I need some inspiration. Work has never been & will never be an inspiration for me, no matter how much I love it. I need something that’ll take me away from the rigmarole. That’ll make me smile & feel like a kid. Make me feel secure & at ease. Make me feel alive. I feel all the above when I’m with my guy…but he has his limitations as well…he’s much more committed to his career than I am. I want to depend on something independent. I have lost my mind.

God…please take me back to those times… :-(. Gimme that frame of mind back atleast, if nothing else!!

November 25, 2007

Within Me

Hmm. Ajeeb dastaan hai yeh. Kahaan shuru kahan khatam....yeh manzilen hai kaunsi...na woh samajh saken na hum.

25 yrs have passed since I came into existence. Another 25...max 35 to go, if all goes well. Life seems such a waste of everything. It's all gonna end into nothing. In this short span...such short passage, we manage to make so many friends & enemies...how many we choose to forget..how many we choose to ignore...how often we break hearts & how long we nurture heart breaks. even when I say "Shrug and move on", it seems so futile. Move on to what?

At such times, those cliched words come to mind..."We all have a purpose to fulfill." Somehow that purpose seems much more than anything materialistic. It seems that in this short span...God wanted us to know & to live. Know what's the whole fuss about...know that being alive means much more then breathing & earning a 'living'...

It's to realise about God Himself....how He embodies in each one of us...how He'll take care of our 'troubles', if we trust Him to...how at times, it's just the strong faith that sees us through the darkest times...how trusting God is also about trusting your own self...

At the end of this journey, each one of us should know what we truly are...you know, at times there are few elderly people whose faces reflect their wisdom and a serene calmness. These people have discovered themselves & thus discovered God.

I yearn for that peace...that tranquility which speaks in each of my actions. I know it requires me to have tremendous faith in my abilities & not panic when the I dunno where am heading. For strong faith can only be built through testing times. Trust can be rock solid, if it can withstand rough weather.

I pray to you God...help me discover You...help me discover myself.

Aameen.

© Zarine.

November 16, 2007

Bee..be?

Brrr!!! I have this bee which keeps going round and round and round in my head...irritating me no end. It’s a constant buzzzzzzz which makes me insane. It brings a frown to my face. I dunno what to call it…but it keeps reminding of all the incomplete/ failed/ dead tasks. Though I keep telling that useless gnat that if things are that way its coz others haven’t done their part…it buzzes back with “Still, it was your responsibility!!” This thought weighs me down. I feel so irresponsible. I feel like that stupid gnat…simply buzzing around with no purpose. I feel shit. I feel this...and that and that and this.

I don’t care no more. That feeling is gone. Primarily, it was there not coz I didn’t deliver…it was there coz what would others think about me. Omi Gosh! How incompetent I am!

Yeah, yeah. I wonder why I should live up to anyone’s expectations. Why should I strive to deliver more than expected? Why should I have a reason to live? Or to love? Or why shouldn’t I?

It’s this bee which is making me type all this, ok?! And this what too much work can do to you. You blabber and jabber. And wonder endlessly. I also wonder why people want fame in life. Who remembers them after they are gone? And its for a very lucky few that their fame lives till their very end. For most, its 15 minutes and then gone. They live the remaining life either fending off on those minutes or pining for more of it. Kya hai?!

I also discovered that when, in the end nothing matters, you become very complacent and laid back. There’s no drive, there’s no fire in the belly, there’s no ambition, there’s no nothing. Except for a huge, vast space which you wonder how to fill up. A huge canvas called life….since there are no conditions to color it…you wonder how to start and where. Which strokes to put and which number brush to use. Life’s your imagination. You have no preconditions dictating how to the picture should look, except for your own fertile mind.

Sounds so good, doesn’t it? But is it possible? I often reason things in my life…and I have solved quite a few troubles that way. Somehow a top rating is not what I vie for anymore…coz that’ll put me in that horrible loop of pining for that rating every time there’s an appraisal. I free myself from their expectations. It feels so light.

I had to cancel a meeting today…which was an induction session and had 45 people involved. The worst part is, I received a last minute notice from Logistics that the room was booked for an important client visit. I desperately tried to arrange for another room, but in vain. Had to inform folks at the last moment and I don’t think all have received the update. Later, an hour after I sent the cancellation note, I learnt that the room wasn’t blocked for a client…the Logistics team wasn’t ‘aware’ that the room was already booked 2 weeks in advance by someone else and they committed to me without properly checking their records. And this enlightenment came from none other than the party who had booked the room. Now, normally I’d get infuriated for having paid the cost for someone else’s inefficiency, but all that I was bothered about was that folks who didn’t receive the update will have to come 4 hours earlier than their normal log in time and have nothing to do.

I mean….get a life!! Why arnt I angry??? I don’t have any self respect left. Am a scum. A floating, usless, lifeless, dirty piece of flotsam. Shameless to the core, irresponsible, dead.

A log of wood has more life and self esteem than I do.

November 01, 2007

Tear away

I am sad… L…things arnt turning out as they should…am bored of it now…am disinterested…I feel tired…I want a break…and I cant have one…Damn.

 

October 22, 2007

Art of Detachment

And the second in those series....Boy, I made lotta sense back then too! :))

Continuing from the previous post, a key element in loving yourself is taking care of yourself. Again,easier said than done.

Why does it hurt so much when people walk away from your life? Why does one feel so lonely and down? How can someone have the ability to cause us pain in such a capacity? Why cant people let go easily? Why are so many tears and heartbreaks a part of the process?

Nothing lasts.Really nothing does.At the end of the day,you are all by yourself.And most of the time,you are either sad or just plain blank.You wish for someone who could've being there to share your blues,but the stark reality is...even if someone is there,s/he wont be there forever.

Rem'ber before those presentations/speeches/plays in front of an audience, no matter how much anyone told u to be confident, you always had to have a lil talk with yourself , assuring yourself that everything would be ok ? Tht "C'mon,you can do it" pep talks before the D-Day. Revising your subjects, making sure you didnt leave out anything. Even if your pal said, he'll "take care" of certain portions, you'd still glance thru' it...you know,just in case!

Then why is it that when it comes to relations, we leave everything on the other party? Why does it hurt so much when they dont respond? Coz we expected the other person to care.And s/he didnt. Expectations are the root cause of most miseries.

Learn to detach yourself.From everything and everyone.And you need tremendous amout of self belief to do that.

You fulfil wht's required of you. You get out and get your due. You dont wait for anyone to do anything for you. You dont expect anyone to do/say anything. You simply state what you need. If it's fulfilled,well and good. If not,and if it's not in your capacity to fulfil it for urself,you move on. When you dont expect from someone,there's hardly anything that binds you to them,save blood ties and thick friendships.

It may sound a cold hearted approach, but it saves you from a lot of pain that comes from unfulfilled expectations. Making your wishes and dreams come true, keeping yourself happy is your responsibility. Dont let your emotions be at stake of someone's whims and fancies.


© Zarine.

Something that I posted 2.5 years ago...still applies...

I get hurt. Mebbe others get hurt too.And cry too.And get fed up of crying.Chuck everything, and say "To hell with this world"..decide to move on.And find themselves crying again.

From my observation,good and nice people cry more.Coz u wouldnt come across bigger fools than them.Am not talking abt goodness or being nice as foolishness.The problem arises when they expect others to be good too.Why will others be good to u? Jus coz u were good to them? Ha! Quid pro quo works only if someone is rubbed the wrong way.Otherwise people are happy for being treated nicely and conveniently forget about it.

To be loved in return.The eternal human need.Love.People want to love someone. And want to be loved in return.And my god,what all they endure for this! If only a fraction of that effort was spent in loving oneself...

Ever thought if you love yourself? How much? How do you love yourself? What do u do when you love yourself? Why is it so difficult to love yourself? Coz u know ur shortcomings, ur mistakes n faults... and this is the reason,when u discover the other person u 'loved' aint tht perfect as u tght, u get disillusioned. Nobody loves the other person's vices. Coz nobody can accept their own.

You'll buy gifts and roses and do what not for the person you love. Ever spared a thought to think what you would do for yourself if you loved yourself? Most people go blank. A treat at your favt restaurant, or an expensive indulgence or something as materialistic would be the answer of the remaining. None would promise to keep loving their own self forever.

This may sound like one of those centerspread articles frm TOI on sundays, but I was reading a blog when I came across a line.."All she wanted was love..." and I lost my cool. Everybody wants love,dammit. Big deal. And everybody goes through heartbreaks. So? You'll keep crying all your life,is it? Heck,why blame tht other person when you, yourself, arnt intrested in keeping your life happy and cheerful? He left you and you left yourself. And you carry on the search for someone who will love you. You crave for love. Coz you need to be loved,for you are a human being,after all! You cant love yourself. You always need someone else to do that for you.

Face it, if you cant love the person you are, the person you've being with all this years....what justice can you do to another person?? On second thoughts, seriously,AIIC!


© Zarine.

Doesnt merit a title.

I had a collection of poems...almost 10 years of collection with the choicest of romantic poems I had penned for my 'Dream Guy'. They were around 40 in number.

After my first break-up, I burnt them all. I vividly remember that day on the terrace when I took my diary & a matchbox along with me. One by one, I tore the pages and added them to the fire. My sis came running up & shrieked at the sight. I continued till each one was gone.

Those poems were the stable factor of my life...I hung onto them... he made me destroy my support system.

Allwin was glad that I let it go...all those years of expectations, dreams, hopes that every girl has of her guy...I felt like a person with no history...

I usually forgive people easily. I forgave & got over him for our breakup...but I shall never forgive him for what he did to my dreams. I hope he's reading this....for I hate him more than I can ever get myself to express.


© Zarine.

Reliving MBA days.

I was going through my first blog on blogspot and realised how much I miss my MBA days. I chose to make that blog inaccessible...one gets re-directed to this one as soon as that one loads completely.

But those days....those sleepless nights...worrying about subjects just before exams and countless projects & quizzes...those pals...buddies who get so busy in their current lives that memories of those days dont hit them even once in a while...how I was such a loner in those days...staying up blogging or chatting with pals over the Internet...

Now the only thread that keeps me connected to that world is my guy...someone who found a mention even in the earliest of my posts' there....its difficult to explain how it feels to have your best buddy as your life partner...it feels like treasuring a part of your life....reliving it again & again...feeling that young & stupid & vulnerable all over.... a feeling of warmth... a complete feeling... coz here's someone who knows you from the days when you were gawky & crazy! Life's come a full circle... its about to...



© Zarine.

October 16, 2007

It's dark without you.



Darkness flows into me...
From the sky high above
Or from deep within me
I know not.

I appear calm on the surface
From the still water below
Or coz of the lost wind across
I know not.

I dont see the stars
Due to the dark clouds
Or due to my misty eyes
I know not.

I do know
I can see just you
As you transcend me
Smooth and slow

I do know
I'd vanish into a cloud
If I could feel you closer
Feel you like my flow.

How I wish
I could embrace you
But your likeness reflects on me
Makes me feel complete, pure & true.

O Moon, if it weren't for my Land...I would go beyond for you...


© Zarine.

October 11, 2007

Yem Bee Yea.

There often has been a debate on how an “MBA” actually helps or whether an MBA has skills which warrant the kind of pay packages that they attract. And more interestingly, we also have MBAs who, once into their job, crib about it and wonder “This is why I did my MBA for? “

I experienced an instance today wherein a group of MBAs from elite business schools were doing some pretty “not so MBA” work…removing price tags from books, to be precise. The books were to be given away in a business meeting and these folks did the selection, purchasing and now were gift wrapping it. Whilst this activity was on, one of them commented “Imagine I did my MBA for this!!! I really wonder what good that degree did to me!!?”

At that point, I turned around and told her, “If you hadn’t done your MBA, what you are doing now for an hour would’ve been your job, day in & day out. And the reason you are doing what you doing now, is just to remind you how better off in life you are. And yeah, being an MBA doesn’t mean you park yourself on the Board of Directors as soon as you start your career. You have to earn that place and doing all this will only make your earning & learning faster.”

Gyaan. Global Gyaan. From an MBA to an MBA, thanks to MBA.

October 03, 2007

If...

 

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too:

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

 

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;

If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim,

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same:

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings,

And never breathe a word about your loss:

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

 

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings -- nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much:

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!

 

          -- Rudyard Kipling

 

 

September 28, 2007

Listen deep within.

The best things about Troubles is that they always inform about their arrival. Be it through Signs, Omens, Intuition or Sixth Sense, human mind is receives signals about the impending danger…but we always intend to ignore them. As it goes, anything that isn’t practiced loses its efficiency. So, over a period of time, the more you listen to your intuition or Sixth sense…the better it gets and vice versa.

 

Next time around, you get a feeling that something’s around the corner…better heed it, coz safe than sorry, rem’ber?

 

September 25, 2007

Control ka funda.

When do things get out of control? When we dont control them while they were under our control!! Hehehehe. Common sense, da. Not always, though. As in, giving a good performance in an exam is under my control. But what happens to my answer sheet, isnt.
 
We control because we want the outcome to be as desired. Argh...my thought flow was gone haywire....I'll catch up on this post later.
 
Gah!
 

September 21, 2007

Combating Loneliness

There’s a difference between the two….being alone & being lonely. I’ve come to realize that both have a lot to do with one’s state of mind. Being alone is a choice one makes…and being lonely…well, again a choice one makes, but subconsciously. Loneliness is a state where one doesn’t enjoy anyone’s company, prefers to stay aloof, is not bothered with the affairs around and generally leads a solitary existence. When does this happen? A difficult question. Lady L often buddies up with the Dame D – Depression. And Dame D visits only after His Exalted Excellence – Excitement leaves. It’s a low after a high, a very big high (what English is that??).

Excitement exhausts a person so much that sustaining that level for a long period isn’t possible. One tends to build up on it…and wants more and more tempo to be added…and somewhere the cookie crumbles. Dame D is actually important in life, if one wants to attain some sorta balance. A balanced mind treats success & failure, high & lows with same attitude. A lil indifferent…a lil ‘cut off’.

When does one want to be alone? Usually when there’s so much turmoil in the mind…a dozen different voices shouting thousand different opinions..one needs to just et away and sort it out. Being alone is required when one wants to step back and take a perspective. Rarely does it have anything to do with Lady L. Infact, when Lady L visits, one doesn’t quite know the difference between the 2. Being alone = being lonely.

People who are comfortable being alone are those who are comfortable in their skins. But I would bet my bar of Cadbury’s that anyone who’s comfy in his skin has had a visit by Lady L sometime in his life.

All in all….Dame D is nature’s way to sober a person down. Infact, it makes one discover a lot about oneself…and tht’s important if one wants to really live life.

So here’s to Life and Loneliness! 3 cheers!

September 20, 2007

It's you and YOU!!!

Abbaaahh! I’m so up to my neck with relations where the blame for its not working is on me. Yes, me. On Z. Just encountered one more.

Gah, give me a break man!!! I didn’t call/ I didn’t sms/ I don’t care/ I said that/ I didn’t say that/ I have changed/ I don’t care (yes, tht keeps coming again & again)/ I should’ve done this or that/ blah blah blah…/ I don’t care.

I fail to understand…when my pals have a problem with me, why don’t they talk? And why does the blame squarely lie on me? My guy thinks I pamper my pals a lot…but c’mon…they are ur buddies…you owe it to them.

Come to think of it…my girl buddies have been the most hassle free ones. Each one of them. And most of my guy buddies…don’t even get me started.

I pine for a normal, healthy, stress free friendship. Give it to me, folks!!!!!!!

Ps:- Think abt it. Most of the time its “you did this in this way…I expected it tht way”…it’s YOUR problem if you expected it tht way…I did my bit…am sorry if it didn’t ‘measure up’.

Change ko badlo!

Change. I should be christened as the Change Agent of the Year. My personal life has seen much of it. And now professional life follows suit. I move to another assignment…my third in the last 18 months! What an 18 months it has been….facilitating HR for a new business in an established Unit to facilitating it for the oldest business in the same unit. Now moving on to handling it for a new business with a totally different unit. Different customer, diff rules, diff culture. The good part? In just 1.5 years, I get to handle the entire HR dept on my own. Wing to wing. The HR health will be directly proportional to my efforts & results.

Wow. That sure gives me a kick. I thought I would be apprehensive….but I have known myself enough to understand that the only time I get apprehensive is when…..umm….hmmm..err… You get it, right? J

Experience man….trust it to teach you like nothing else can. Folks out in the market think (and this I know from the innumerable consultants who call me) that in 1.5 yrs, one is still an HR Exec and shld be happy doing some dead man’s job (read back office & admin). When I did oblige them and attended one of the interviews with a leading Finance company, the guys there were eating out of my hand. Obviously they expected to see a ‘wet behind the ears’ greenhorn who wouldn’t know anything about Employee Relations. Post the interview, they offered me a Manager’s post! Beat that! Man, when I told my guy this….he asked me to go jump from the seventh floor…for I could only fly higher from there! (Now, what did that mean??! )

Am feeling good. Good about myself. And good about the fact that when I had a lean period in my career, I chose to speak to my boss about it, rather than crib. That I bid my time…and was patient enough to give things a chance.

And I also feel good about my guy. He bore the brunt of my mood swings & tantrums…held my hand when I was feeling lllooooowwwwww…and kept egging me to stay positive.

Take a bow, my love!

And here I comeeeeee………..Vvvvvrrrrrrrrroooooooooommmmmmmmmmm

September 19, 2007

Posting thru' email

Test. Flunk it or fly thru!

September 16, 2007

Main yahin hooonnnN!!!

As I often do, I was at it again. Wondering, that is. Wondering how much importance do I give to this page. This site on the internet which captures all my thoughts and feelings...stuff that it stores for me to visit and ponder that I wrote this stuff(!??).

Well, as it goes with most things in my life....if you cant respect something, do away with it. Dont hang around for the sake of it. Fence sitting & ambiguity are 2 traits I have least tolerance for.

:). No, am not doing away with my blog. It's been around for enough time for me to respect it. And more importantly, it has my thoughts & words in it...which makes it more respectable (some arrogance, eh?). So it shall stay...but my frequency shall go up.

Ah! Everytime a blogger says this..he goes on an even longer exile. I wonder (yet again!)...why do people make promises to their blogs??? As if it had its own existence & would get cross if you didnt update it! Or maybe they make promises to the visitors...who I wonder, really care if you updated or not...?!

Whatever. (My guy hates this word.)




© Zarine.

August 28, 2007

Kya yeh haasil hai?

Tanha yun guzarte hain,
Koi saaya saath nahi...
Issi lamhe ke liye
Itni mehfilon ko raunak kiye the hum?

Yeh mere dost hain,
Apni wafa mein jeete hain
Inhi ke khaatir
Duniya se baaghi hue the hum?

Yun mera zameer hai
Mujhse juda aur ajnabee
Iss kambakhth ke liye
Apno se duur hue the hum?

Yeh kaunsi jagah hai
Kaunsa jahaan hai yeh
Iss dard-e-duniya ke liye
Jannat ko thukraa aaye the hum?

- Zarine.


© Zarine.

July 25, 2007

Yeh kya hai?

It's such a turmoil at times...what's right...what's wrong...peace of mind...selflessness...living for others...living for self..

Am a lil disturbed off late...and it has a lot to do with the way things are in my life right now.The more judgmental one is, the more the disgust. This is right...do it this way..tht's not how its done...In the effort to to bring in some sanity to life, we bring in lots of rules, hoping that it will streamline everything. But it again doesnt work that way, does it?

Peace of mind is lost when we anticipate & experience sorrow before it comes. It's also lost when we think we deserve something & dont get it. This 'deserve' germ can actually harm us in more ways than we can imagine. Are we such good judges of self to understand what we truly deserve?

Unhappiness...is majorly coz we dunno yet what makes us happy. If somebody is happy doing his own thing, and we cant do our own thing, we become unhappy. Its so relative. Why cant my happiness start & end with my world? Why does it have to be measured against someone else's?

Insecurity...yet another demon which raises its head when you are so unsure of things.

Kya hai?? Itna kya tension hai? marr toh nahi jaoge na?! Aur agar mar gaye...toh tension kis baat ki hai?? :D

Chalo smmmyyyyllllleeeee :)))))))
© Zarine.

May 19, 2007

Hyd to Del and back

Oui mah babeh! Its been a looouuunnggg time, I say!

Arey access nahi tha! Okay, thts a lie. Mood nahi tha? Shayad. Whatever.

Me's shifted base to Delhi. Work in Gurgaon. What a place. (Now make whtever u want to, of tht last stmt! ;) )

Hot hai, rains bhi hain..pata nahi yaar..kuch samajh nahi aaraha...ajeeb si jagah hai. Sahi saathi ka saath warna vaat lag jaati.

My blog has become soooooo boring! Bah! But they say, people who have a life off the net, have seldom any on it ;).

Cold coffee...aha..in this summer..hmmmuummmm. Waise got to be in Hyd during the unfortunate incident of the bomb blast. Sukoon nahi hai logon ko..kuch na kuch karna zaroori hai. Sigh.

Updates will be..am a maasi..mah best pal gave birth to a cute baby gal. Am yet to visit them.........:((((((((((((((((((((

I wanna go back to Delhiiiiiiiiiiiii..................... and not for the city, puhleez!

Quote of the day :- Shut up and listen.

Ciao.

© Zarine.

April 18, 2007

Recipe to Excel.

Often what it takes to excel is

- Pushing yourself to the edge
- Asking the right questions
- Keeping your eyes at the next level
- Being excited about learning.

And most importantly, be in the company of Achievers.

All the best.

© Zarine.

April 15, 2007

From Pari... :)

There once was a time,
When neither knew for sure
If this was the it
For which we'd hardships endure

Then came a time,
When he didnt know
If we'd last together
For our actions went against the flow

There was a time too
When I didnt know
If we were meant for each other
For it would create a row

Now is the time
When we know from the Lord above
Our togetherness is prime
For there is no other way we know Love.


© Zarine.

April 01, 2007

Reunion (?)

When old pals meet after a loooooonnnngg time

A :- Hiiii!!
B :- Hey man!! Whatta surprise!!
A :- You bet yaar! Kaisa hai?
B :- Bas chal raha hai...tu bata...?
A :- Mast hai ...aur kya haal chaal..
B :- Theek thaak...sis got married last oct
A :- Accha?! Great man...and u?
B :- Time hai yaar..kaheko marwaa raha hai...tu bata?
A :- Same here yaar...
B :- Ummm..yeh...aur...
A :- Aur toh bas...chal raha hai
B :- How's XYZ? Koi news? I lost touch with most of them man
A :- Haan..thik hi hai...kahan time milta hai yaar..
B :- Haan...true...
A :- ..........
B :- ...........
A :- Chal toh phir milte hain..
B :- Haan boss...stay in touch, haan?
A :- Of course...take care..!
B :- You too! Cya.

The later in life you meet with a pal/acquaintance, the shorter the first conversation will be. Its as if the feeling hasnt sunk in...and they part before it does..promising to meet again...

Jab mile, tabh mil na sake..
Na jaane abh kab milenge
Agli mulakaat ke bharose
Iss mulakaat ko chod chale...

© Zarine.

March 28, 2007

Change...stable...umm?

One of the most disturbing things in life is people saying that you are changing and they dont like the change. You really dunno how to deal with that, do you? Firstly, hullo...am I really changing?? Next, why wouldnt you accept it, if you like me so much?

Accha, leave the second question alone. Lets focus on the first one. Am I changing? Am getting to know more of myself, and trust me, its not a pleasant experience! So much is happening so fast...its like am moving at a top speed and have no control over the direction! Or do I?

Brrrrr! I need to outgrow myself...I wanna be like a snake who sheds off the old skin and renews itself every year. The past year has been too much for me and my fragile nerves. They didnt crack, thankfully...but now I seriously think am getting onto them! I feel like am on a roller coaster ride...up..down...swirl..twirl...wheesshh!!! Hang on! Wait!

One thing at a time.

Professionally :- Its almost a year since I started my career...and I feel so 'unaccomplished'. Dunno if its expecting too much...but I feel as if I could've done a better job. Would like to give myself the leeway of it being my first job and blah blah..but..nevertheless. How can I tackle this? I guess I know. I need a punching bag first!!

Personally :- Dont even get me started on this one!! Like I said in one of the earlier posts...too much of giving and spreading myself thin. Lotsa confusion. Lotsa compliances. Lotsa compromises. I need to get a hold...a firm grip, rather.

I hate myself when I cite others/situations responsible for my state....it shows they control me. And that's not acceptable. But the way I'd like to control things also needs to be relooked at. Guess am going from that "Dependence -> Independence -> Interdependence" stage. I need to identify partners for achieving my goals. I need to learn that an individual can only do as much. I need to collaborate. Thats my developmental need for the year *Jeez, I sound like my boss! :)) *

Zarine needs a stabilising agent. Zarine has a stabilising agent. Zarine only needs to be more stable for the agent to work on her.

Whatever.


© Zarine.

February 27, 2007

Let bygones be bygones...

When most of the times in Life, we are on a lookout for that 'something special, something unique', we forget what we have with us couldnt be less special, less unique...if only we cared enough to look at it.

There's this thing about one person from my past....I keep thinking about him off and on for the kind of impact he left on my life. Not surprisingly, I somehow expect to figure in his list of 'things to remember' too...only to be give myself a sad smile everytime he conveniently forgets about me. What amazes me is...its not that I dont have Love in my life now or I miss him so badly...but the fact that I expect him to recall me the way I recall him...

Life moves on...wish we too did..

Woah...thanks to 19 straight hours of working..I feel my cabin floating around me now..would log off now...got a very very hectic week ahead...and need to let the Love of my life know I'm missing him right now...all alone here..

Love always,

Z.




© Zarine.

January 16, 2007

Satin © Zarine.

January 01, 2007

As it was...2006.

With just about 30 posts in 10 months of this blog's existence speaks a lot about how prolific am at it these days. The old one had about 140 in almost 2 years :).

Wonder how much this indicates about my interests and priorities. Have never rated blogging as a TP thing, but the fact that I write less now....does it mean am talking to myself a lot more lesser?

Just a lil amused that how much I've learnt to live with Life, as it is. Taking things in my stride, compromising, being least bothered at times. 30 times in last 10 months...thats so unlike Z.

I know, deep down am keeping a low profile. As I keep discovering about myself, the more I choose to stay silent. (Btw, won a Silver Award for my performance. With 8 months of work ex under my belt...sounds good :) ). The only time I get flustered is when things dont go as planned at my work life. Have become such a stickler for perfect execution that misses get to me.

Personally, its being a roller-coaster. I feel totally sapped emotionally. It's been a year wherein it was all about what others thought, how convenient it was for them, how comfortable they were with things, how could I provide for them. Drains you out at times.

This year, I hope to be more honest to myself. This year I plan to break some hearts. This year I plan to undergo an acid test to reach where I want to. With whomsoever I want to. This year Z doesnt wanna be nice to anyone at an exorbitant cost to self. This year will be a year of push-backs. Will need to be more strong than before to withstand it all.

As it goes, its better to take the pain and become stronger than to suffer in silence and shrivel.

A lot more of my acquaintances will hear less of me, the close circle of friends will find me more around for them. Every new thing I do has to be connected to some existing habit of mine. Things can work if they sync into each other...if there's some continuity of sorts. Out of blue ideas will stick out like sore thumb in the larger picture. Come to think of it...in the pursuit of learning newer things, how much justice do we do to what we have already learnt? Learning and forgetting is an insult to the entire process.

This year...lets just question some more...be more curious...be more candid...be more honest.

May God nurture our Souls.

© Zarine.