Yeh, whatever

One of the reasons I made this blog private was...I really wanted to vent out a lot of stuff without fear. All the people who can read this are the ones who know what's on in my life.

It's dark and cold. Just got off a call with my school pal. It's so important that as you grow old...you ought to have those people who knew you when you were young. 

Anyways, the discussion veered around friends getting married, some becoming proud parents, to pestlike colleagues, personal lives et al. I do envy some of them for being happily married and settled down...and their posting gorgeous pics doesnt help either.


To be honest, when I do ask myself, what do I envy them for...its for the certainty in their lives. From where I look, they have good jobs in good companies, have a good partner and a good family life. Atleast, that's what all those pictures suggest. I miss those in mine. Ok...I do have a good job in a good company...but it could've been better. Ok...am getting greedy here. I do have a good partner. I do have a good family. But I need a good partner AND a good family. I have the pieces of the puzzle...I dont have the complete picture.


We next discussed religion. How warped our senses are coz we are too lazy to actually read and understand what the ancient wisdom implies. How undisciplined our lives (esp mine) are...I dont remember resolving to do something and doing it. Ok...consistently doing it. Short attention span is a not an excuse...its a disorder. 


And well, life aint as fucked up as it sounds above...but...you get the drift? It's kinda empty...it lacks quality. I know once I get onto my new role...I wont have time to think on these lines and all this could just be a phase...but I'm sick and tired of phases. Esp when the phases recur for the same stuff. I so hate giving myself orders or motivational speeches. I dont like making resolutions. I dunno how many times I've told myself that...its time to do things.


What things, though? Well...thats the whole issue. What I feel so strongly about now...2 days later, I'll be wondering why was I hyperventilating? I'm so random that its not funny.


I shall hopefully finish Step 1 of my Spanish lessons today. 3 more steps to go.



Hasta Luego.



© Z.

Comments

Nikhil said…
Interesting...the only thing I love about my life funnily is the uncertainty....Love, career and all of that obviously are important (or not?) but what I love is the freak show called life where all sorts of weird and unpredictable things pop their silly heads out of their cocoons. I would go out of my head if I had stability....knowing what my next day's schedule looked like, where I was going to eat, who was going to bajao my case and on what ;)sheesh, the crap I say when no one's looking ;)
Feb 6, 2010, 6:25:00 PM
Lady Z said…
I guess, it takes a different mindset to enjoy life like that.Mebbe some basic elements of life have this certainty/security about them and hence you can deal with the remaining stuff.

You know how its with me, right :D
Feb 11, 2010, 11:50:00 AM
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