May 29, 2008

Pa(i)nting!

Umm...ho hummmm....mmmmmm...errrr....aaahhhhhh...eeeemmmmm....OK DAMN here it is :- I've resumed painting after more than 10 years and am shit scared coz I dunno if i rem'ber anything abt it and I did try today and I'm still little naive about the whole thing and am ok with the pencils and not so ok with the sketches and have managed to do a decent job with the water colors and the more I try to improvise them the worse they get so I decided to just let them be and the rate at which am using my water colors, am gonna run out of them in a month's time!!

That was the longest sentence of my life. *RUNS*

© Zarine.

May 16, 2008

Tere Liye

I was listening to this Veer Zaara song "Tere Liye" and suddenly recalled how I bawled uncontrollably in the theater! I mean, I was us fine till the scene before that...and as soon Preity walks in & the music begins, tears roll down! That moment when they face each other after 22 yrs...man....I couldnt control myself! Imagine....here you are...your life ruined & everything lost...and you still carry on just because of the one person who you love so much....you give up on your life just to withhold that person's dream/dignity...when you pretty well know you can never get him...when you have given up hope of ever seeing him again...and there he is! The person who you revered in your thoughts for more than 2 decades, standing before you. In the same deplorable condition as you were, for the same 22yrs. For the same reason as yours. For the same love.

Bawl!!!!!!!!!! Am gonna cry again!!!!!!!!!!!


© Zarine.

In all His Glory.

God is such a personal aspect of one's life. We come across so many people citing how God should be worshiped, how your relation with Him should be and the usual Do's & Dont's. There might be times when you dont relate to what's been preached, but you are apprised that you do not know since it requires an understanding at a higher level or that people with more insight & knowledge say its right...and hence it should be right.

So there you are...confused. Should you go by what your nubile mind thinks or what a more knowledgeable mind preaches. You might tread the latter path for the fear of doing something wrong in your ignorance. But even if you still do something 'wrong' due to your ignorance in your quest of understanding God, does the Almighty view it so severely? I dont understand the "God-fearing" funda. Can you love & accept someone wholeheartedly if you feared Him? There's always this barrier of fear. The constant act of getting approvals & acceptance...of doing the right thing lest you invite His Wrath.

A colleague related the God-Man relation as that of a Mother-child one. Mother creates the kid, brings him up with all love, tells him what's right & what's wrong. Now if the kid doesnt do as the Mother has taught him, she gets upset & punishes him. She's punishing the kid for his own good, but the kid, in his limited sensibilities, does not understand this. For him, mom is 'bad'.

Fair. My question is, which life is worthy of the two....the one where the kid does as the mom says & obeys all rules & doesnt do any bad stuff OR the one where the mom informs the kid of the basic rules of life & just lets him discover life on his own. Where the kid doesnt swing at all fearing that he will swing too high & fall OR Where the kid knows he will fall if he swings too high & controls his speed accordingly.

I know, in my limited sensibilities, what's right & what's isnt for me. I might be completely off the mark, for all I know. But how will I know until I test it out? I hope the choice isnt between trusting God or trusting myself. It should rather be about me trusting myself & knowing God is there incase I falter. Trusting Him to take care of me when I cant. Trusting the fact that God will watch over me when am fooling around in my ignorance....and leading me to wisdom.

He has to be with me. He has created me. I'm His responsibility.

That doesnt imply am shaking off the responsibility of my actions. But it implies, as I accept Him in every situation of Life...without questioning Him, He too must accept me in whatever I do. My God cant be conditional in His love. I cant keep thinking how I can please Him and gain His approval...I'd rather spend that time in doing things I know are right. Let Him decide if its actually so or not. I know I'll have to bear the result of my actions, but even then I'd trust Him to be besides me.

It troubles me no end when people project God as a score keeper. Score of all your good & bad deeds & rewarding/punishing you accordingly. God's gotta be much more Magnificent than that. God has to be the Hope. He has to be the Love & Peace one needs so badly at times. God has to be the reassuring Voice which states all will be fine again. He has to be the Voice which guides you. The one which warns you of impending dangers. God has to be within you. He cant possibly be anywhere else. My God cant be anywhere else.


© Zarine.

May 06, 2008

Aah!


Damn, letting go can be tough. But it's an exhilarating feeling once you that. Am letting go of my life...stop being a control freak. There's no point losing your cool over something you have no control over. On the ones you do, why lose control when you can mend it right?

Dont control...other reactions, their expectations, the outcomes, their thoughts, your fears, your heart, your mind & "the-way-it-should-be"s. And voila! You'll discover how much you've been missing in life!

And a parting line from one of favt songs :-

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

And this is for my best buddy :-

I can read your mind and I know your story

and I see what you're going through yeah
It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry
But I know it will come to you yeah

When life is empty with no tomorrow
And loneliness starts to call
Baby don't worry, forget your sorrow
'Cause love's gonna conquer it all, ALL!

And I'll always love you.

© Zarine.