December 27, 2004

Kabhi kabhi...

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khyaal aata hai,
Ke zindagi tere zulfon ke narm chaon mein guzarne paati
Toh shadaab ho bhi sakti thi
Yeh ranj-o-ghum ki sihaahi jo dil pe chaayi hai
Tere nazar ki shuwaaon mein kho bhi sakti thi
Magar yeh ho na sakaa
Magar yeh ho na sakaa
Aur abh yeh aalam hai
Ke tu nahi,tera ghum,teri justuju bhi nahi
Guzar rahi kuch iss tarah zindagi jaise
Isse kisi ke sahare ki arzoo bhi nahi
Na koi raah,na manzil,na roshni ka suraag
Bhatak rahi hai andhero mein zindagi meri
Inhi andhero mein reh jaonga kabhi khokar
Mein jaanta hun meri Humnawaaz
Magar yunhi,kabhi kabhi mere dil mein khayal aata hai
Kabhi kabhi...


Let 'em come...

These days my life,if had to be described in two words,would be - Perfect Disaster.

The Gang is losing all focus and cohesiveness it had during the first sem.Somehow,am managing to hold them all together.But finally,my temper flew off the handle the other day,and our bad vibes showed during the marketing presentation today.

These days when I try to catch some sleep and if the nap extends beyond 4 hours,I have my eyes paining and head groaning.

My two most active mail accounts get tampered with.One has its password changed,the other has all the mails deleted.

I lost the invitation card for 'Aakriti'-The Cultural fest .My close pal was at the drums for the rock show.Now,I cant even enter without the card.

Room's in a royal mess.Misplaced the list of clients I had to contact for SAP.

Great going.Still 4 more days for the New Year.Let it all come.And to Hell with each one of them.

December 24, 2004

Psycho ka Analysis!


"Hum Hain Iss Pal Yahan,Jaane ho kal Kahan.."....Man!! Awesome song by Rehman!!!! He rulez!!! I'm simply in love with this one!

And today was the day I was looking forward to since past 1 week.The coll conducts a Psychometric Test for all the students and then we gotta go to the Student Counsellor and get the feedback on our 'personalities'.Oh k,so I was really eager to know what she would say about me.Every fella was with her for aaram se 20 mins,some were even crying :shock: .Khair,I waited and waited .And then my chance came :D.

SC:- Yeah,Zarine.This wont take much time.
(Why does it sound like the familiar doc line."This wont hurt much" ;) )
Z:- No probs Ma'am.I have plenty of time on hand :D.
Sc:- No,no.What I meant was,yours is a very normal profile.No problems to discuss/counsel.(Pffffttttttttt.......nikal gayi na poori hawa!!!)
Z:- Normal??!!! No way! I mean,look at this sheet....everything is marked in the middle....I'm confused,that's what it means,right?
Sc:- No,it means,you have well balanced outlook.
(No!!!! This cant be happening to me!!!! )
Z:- Ma'am,they OUGHT to be a problem!!! Mebbe we can discuss each response in detail??(Plz plz)
Sc:- (Smiles) What's your problem,kid?
Z:- (shrugs) I came here thinking mine would be the longest session.I'm this complex being,split personality,difficult to be with....
Sc:-(Starts laughing) Whoever told you that?
Z:-(With a helpless expression) I've lived with that notion all my life!!!! Now dont take that away from me!!! I'm a problem Kid!!!!!!
Sc:-(Amused) Look Zarine.Can we take this up later? We got other students waiting.....I dont understand wht's bothering you...
Z:- Ma'am...it's so boring to be normal (ROFC :(( ).Why dont I have a problem ?:((...I need therapy !!
Sc:- Fine Lady,meet me on tuesday.We talk abt this so called 'problem' of urs in detail,fine?
Z:- Ok :(.

And me leaves the room with my boring,normal,regular self....Sigh,life is tough,nobody understands..!!!

December 22, 2004

Of Choice and Consensus..

Today I was killing time in the canteen with my gang,when my classmate came rushing to me.
I asked what was wrong.He says,I need your help to decide what I'll take up as my specialisation in MBA. Huh??!!! And I tght,patah nahi kya golmaal karke aaya hai!! :))

Z:- Ok,let's begin with ur interests....what do you like?
VS:- I dunno.
Then I remind him,he's the most active banda in the Operations class.So,mebbe Ops...?
Vs:- Yeah,I like that.
Z:- So done!!!! Spl in Ops!!!
VS:-NO!! Dad wants me to do Finance!
Z:- You like Fin?
VS:- No!
Z:- Then dont do it! Simple! Then I let him know how imp it is to be satisfied with your choice of field and that he'll have to work a lil hard during the placement season is not much known for Ops,but at the end of the day he'll be doing what he likes....Banda appears totally convinced...
Z:- So,Ops it is?
VS:- No,I think I need lil more brainstorming sessions.I'll talk to Mom-Dad tonight and decide.....Thanks anyways.

I thought about it after he left.I was just the way this guy is,few years back. Approvals,Assurances,Validations from everyone around,that what I was doing is right.I admit,a lil of it is still exists,but I limit it to very few close pals.

Where does this feeling stem from? To be accepted is a normal thing,but to be so dependant on people to make choices for your life and then expecting it to work out akin to asking them to visit the Doctor when you are sick!


I rem'ber constantly looking over my shoulder,to make sure that I wasnt doing anything wrong,anything unacceptable.How does it count what others say?


I read "Your Erroneous Zones" today in the lib.The author says,just keep in mind that one thing is constantly following you.And to make things better,let's name it "Your Death".You never know when it will catch up with you.So,with the eternal Death and brief Life,you'll see how little it matters what others think.The one life that you've got,is yours.Live it the way you want to.And dont expect it to be easy.At the end,you may win,you may lose.But when you lose,you lose without any regrets.And believe me,that's more easier to live with.

"Follow your heart-for those who mind don't matter and those matter dont mind."



December 20, 2004

"Breaking News!!"


Our Bureau Report.

Reporting from Pummyland.

Miss.Z has turned a new leaf! Yes,you heard it right!! She's reporting to the classes dot on time,completing projects and assignments way before deadline,spending less time online and even sharing her lunch ! :D

We caught up with her and this what she had to say ,"Yeah,I'm feeling good about my life these days,hence the change :)."

Any specific reason?
"I did a SWOT analysis,and discovered how better off I was compared to my colleagues and my world is happy.So,it reflects on my moods too."

How long is this gonna last,if we can ask....?
"With me,you never know. :D"

Anything else for our readers?
"Umm,yeah.Wanna share this lil writing I read the other day :-

Every morning the Deer wakes up and knows that it has to run faster than the fastest deer,or else it'll be killed by the Lion.

Every morning the Lion wakes up and knows that it has to run faster than the slowest deer,or it'll have to starve.

At the end of the day,it doesnt matter if you are the Deer or the Lion;When the Sun's up,you'd better get running!"

:) "

December 17, 2004

Dont be thyself!!!

"Be yourself."

How many times I've heard celebrities mouthing this line for every question ranging from your style statement,your sex appeal or self confidence.Just be yourself,is all that they got to say.

I thank God that's not the way it is!!! Face it,how many of us are really what we portray? You know how much u hate that colleague of yours and wished he never existed,but would nevertheless return his greeting with a smile.You would never think of retorting back with a statement like,"What's good about this morning when dimwitted morons like you are still inhabiting the planet!"And we got so many secret desires and wishes,which if made public,the entire universe would be a small place to hide.People are jealous of each other,but wouldnt make their feelings public,coz protocol forbids it.It's bad manners to bitch.So,even if you feel bad,pretend you are happy for tht person.Be yourself,eh?

Why do then,people stress on being yourself? Are they trying to say,be your unique self?But what's so unique about a self that has being conditioned by norms and rules of the people and society,at large?At the end of the day,eveybody sounds the same,the beauty queens arnt getting any better with their answers and Sachin always says that the game is more important than his personal records.That is after setting a record.Imagine him saying,"I was yearning for this one since a long time.Infact,everytime I arrived at the crease,the record was my primary focus." Eeks no,right?!! To be selfish is wrong in the society. You ought to think beyond yourself and for the larger common good.And how can you be yourself,without thinking about yourself?Beats me.

People who voice their opinions without a second thought are scoffed at.They are criticised for their behaviour.Just imagine,everyone going around telling what they truly felt about people/things/issues.That image leaves a bad taste in the mouth.Coz,then nobody would care what the other person feels.They would just be their self and act.A selfish society.So,dont be yourself;Do the society some good :)).

December 15, 2004

Mind over No Matter

This sem,the Profs have their hands full thanks to your's truly.Am not attending classes properly or worse,turning up late for them,skipping my tests,not paying attention to the class,playing games on my cell,munching bourbons in the class and even distributing them to my gang!I dont turn up at the Dean's office when he calls me for some conference or the other.Projects,assignments,presentations...everything is started and ended a day before.Man,I'm bored.Just 45 more days to go,the Sem II will be done.Thank God.

I sleep at odd hours,get up odd hours and stay busy,God knows doing what.What a vegetable existence,man!Took up chinese classes,but just when the course was getting over,chucked it.Bored again.That's one helluva crazy language.Wo shi pu xihuan hanyu!!! And the way one writes it is even more crazy!Me no marrying no bruce lee,so chill there.

That's Indiscipline Personified.The II sem of MBA is getting to me.I simply hate my books.I hate my subjects,save for Business Research Methods.But I would credit it to the awesome Prof we have,for tht.Afta every class,we get to make our questionnaires and exchange amongst ourselves and analyse how we could've done better.I never knew one could conduct research in more than 15 formats!!! The rest are all..blah blah and more blah blah.

I hate absolute authority.Simply detest it.Lemme know my job and leave me alone.Dont keep poking in or breathing down my neck.Or better still,do it for yourself if you are so particular abt it!The Dean wants me to be there everytime some event is coming up.Be there and slog it out.Now he needs me for the Convocation ceremony organization. Enough done.I'm not doing anything.Neither am I doing anything for the annual cultural fest this dec end.Take a hike.

I badly need a break.The 2 weeks before summers.....I GOTTA DO SOMETHING THEN!!!!!! I dont want to join the company with a jaded and worn out cerebral hemisphere.

December 13, 2004

Summer sun shines :))

Alright! So,after many haan and naa and confusion,I've decided to do my summers at Middle Earth Consultancy (na,I dont blame u if u didnt hear abt it :)) ).Actually chucked up Tata Teleservices and an opening in Russia(! Beat tht ! lol)

Tata was a no-no anyways.They wanted something to so with pay-roll computation n all tht,and I'm least intrested in that clerical side of HR.

The Russian thing was cool though.$200 stipend,your own place in the office,free accomadation and performance bonus.The profile was that of a recruiting personnel.Had to work as a consultant assistant and take interviews frm candidates et al.70% junta asked me to go for it.International exposure,paid holiday..many reasons were cited.I would've gone for it,if I didnt manage anything decent here.Anyways,an Indian,knowing jack abt russia,hiring russians for the job,didnt sound that comfy to me.

And finally what do I land up with? Neither an MNC/big brand/phoren company,but a consultancy doing well for itself in the south.The profile was what made me decide in its favour.The interns would be required to develop training programs for a client of theirs.I would've no superior for help.Only the company's Training manager for their requirements and guidance from the Consultancy.What gave me the kick,other than getting to do my own thing,was that I get to design a training program for the company and it's gonna be implemented by them for their employees :D! And add to it,if I develop the program upto the said standard/benchmark,I get an International certification as a certified Training Analyst :D :D! Well,well...I feel,I need to know more about the certification and details,but that's what the company rep told me when they came for the test.

I wanted to be in the Training and Devp side of HR and getting my first break right in this field is awesome for me :).Yeah,I do feel lil sad when rest of my gang ended up with big names like Franklin Templeton,Cafe Coffee Day,ICICI and HDFC Asset Management,but wth,at the end of the summers I can look back and say I did SOMETHING this summers!! :) (Though my gang pities the company whose training program I'll design,lol )

And last but not the least.Few people who helped me take this decision :-
1.Nikhil (A BIG hug to ya :) )
2.Ronjan (Same to you,too,sweetheart :) )
3.Suhail (Yours,when you promise to come down to Hyd :P ).

Rock On and Risk it ;)

December 11, 2004

Confusion..!

I was born confused.And that trait refuses to leave me.So much confusion,so much confusion!!Like I was pretty confused,and am still confused,abt whether I shld opt for Small company-good profile or Big company-timepass profile.One gets you more exposure and learning,the other looks good on your CV.

Kya karrun!? The summers shortlist will be out anytime,I really dunno...

December 10, 2004

Of todays and tomorrows

Har pal yahan jeebhar jiyo,
Jo hai samaa,kal ho na ho...

I always thought,Be patient.If not now,sometime in the future.I remember postponing every lil joy,thinking I would live it sometime later.And I realise how unfair I was to myself and my life.Maybe patience is a virtue and pays it's own dividends,but I dont think I'm anymore intrested in investing in it.

Abhi life for me is-right here,right now.If it doesnt pay now,I dont care.I might as well as leave for my heavenly trip before God sanctions my share of goodies.Eeks,I sound like some cancer-stricken patient in some god-damn hindi movie :)).

Man,yeh to bahut senti post ho gaya.
Gotta lighten up the atmosphere....Lol,who better than the kids in this matter?? :)).My lil cuz is just abt to start his UKG.Janaab ka promotion hogaya.From LKG to UKG.So aunt was teaching him the alphabet and some spellings.She asked him,"Spell Egg." Our hero thinks and thinks and replies,"A,b,c,d,....x,y,z".Aunt said,"I asked for the Egg spelling,not the alphabet" . Hero answers,"Choose from them!!!" .LOL :))

Signing off on this happy note.

Live for the moment :).

December 08, 2004

Maine dil se kaha,
Dhoond laana khushi.
Nasamjh laya ghum,
To yeh ghum hi sahi.

Bechara kahan jaanta hai,
Khalish hai yeh kya Khlaa hai.
Shaher bharki khushi se,
Yeh dard mera bhalaa hai.
Jashn yeh raaz na aaye,
Mazaa to bas ghum mein aaya hai...

Tht's one lovely song from Rog.

Waise wht am I doing at 6 in the morn? :D....BTW,I got up at 4! Beat tht...an accomplisment by itself! But had no choice,had too much on hands to complete.
To continue on some more stuff abt my morns (Bored,already,eh? :D )...this is wht happens every regular morn:-

"Zarine..."
"Umm?"
"Get up dear,it's 7.30"
"Umm.yeah"

At 7.45
"Zaru..."
"Umm,yeah yeah,gettin up."
"You'll get late sweetheart"
"One more sec plz".

At 8.00
"ZARINE!!!!!!Better get up now or no lunch for u!!!" (Omigosh,no food??!!)
"Damn!I'm up,stop shouting!"

And,btw,that aint a dialogue between mom/dad and me.It's between Me and me! I'm indeed a sight by myself in these morns ;).

Chalo,gotta get back and add final touches to my "Forex Reserves In India" Presentation today...wht sad life,get up early for RBI! :(.

December 07, 2004

Debut post!

Hi Blog bhai,

Ur elder bro at PG left for his heavenly abode.Jaate jaate aapko jeevandaan de gaye.I hope we share as good a rapport as ur elder bro n i did ;).

And why have i named u as toughmorns? Coz tht's the toughest task of my life...getting up early in the morns.I've tried n tried n given up now! i simply cant do it! So,I decided to dedicate my blog to this great (!) attribute of mine.

Abhi,I got fever.Shall post more when I feel better.Ciao :)
TC.