March 29, 2008

Life Matters.

What or who matters in life? Does life itself matter? Can one just live through it as if in a hazy dream? Or a hazy nightmare?

I so often catch myself wondering what's the purpose of living? Why do we live? No, it's not one of those "purpose of life" discussions wherein you try to figure your mission on this planet. It's a one wherein am questioning the need for life on the planet itself.

There has to be more to it than a mere creation of God, sent on this planet as a punishment for Adam & Eve's deeds. There has to be more than just Good vs Bad, more than Us vs Them. Did God create us to check how we combat temptations? Is that all? How we respond to crisis & how we uphold our integrity? All this....this suffering...this violence...the joys...the happiness....the manipulations...the honesty...the whole hog...all to test the being? For what? And why?

Family ties, friendship, enmity, betrayal, tears, sacrifices, testimonies...for what?

Is the fear of God & His Anger the deciding factor of one's action? Do you do good to please Him? Or do you do good because the situation warrants it & that's the right thing to do? When you do wrong or are unfair, what do you fear the most? God's punishment or the wrath of a lost hope?

How much does the human being matter to you? If God's within each one of us, arnt we repeatedly killing Him when we thoughtlessly hurt people around us?

When you are at a crossroad of breaking someone's trust, do you go ahead? How easily? And if it involves a choice between trust of 2 parties and one has to be broken to honor the other, how do you decide? Do you do a cost benefit analysis to find where the least damage is? It's still betrayal at the end of the day.

That brings me back to the question. Is this what Life is all about? How you carry yourself through many friends & foes you make by the end of it? Or how famous you were?

I guess, for me....Life's all about a Heart. Not how many you have won, rather how many you could've chosen to break....but didn't.

© Zarine.

March 23, 2008

The clock's ticking.

I took a stress test today. The results were "Stressed Out. You may need help." Now before that Heart Attack pays me a visit, I must turn to someone I really love & ask him to bail me out.

© Zarine.

Agdam Bagdam

I didn't know cornflakes with Badam milk & some oranges tastes so good.

Man, am all over the place these days. My speech is incoherent...I think faster than I speak which results in some garbled speech! After 2yrs of working, am off late feeling like a new joinee! Am so anxious all the time. The past 6 months have exhausted me completely. So much so that am looking forward to the one new member joining my team. Am gonna dump everything on that poor lad/lass & RUN!

But what is it exactly?? I need a review. Yes, that's what I need. It'll give me some perspective on the last 6 months. I need to recharge & rejuvenate myself. I need to go to Kerala.

See? see see see? One minute I need a review, next minute I need Kerala!!


© Zarine.

March 15, 2008


© Zarine.