March 28, 2007

Change...stable...umm?

One of the most disturbing things in life is people saying that you are changing and they dont like the change. You really dunno how to deal with that, do you? Firstly, hullo...am I really changing?? Next, why wouldnt you accept it, if you like me so much?

Accha, leave the second question alone. Lets focus on the first one. Am I changing? Am getting to know more of myself, and trust me, its not a pleasant experience! So much is happening so fast...its like am moving at a top speed and have no control over the direction! Or do I?

Brrrrr! I need to outgrow myself...I wanna be like a snake who sheds off the old skin and renews itself every year. The past year has been too much for me and my fragile nerves. They didnt crack, thankfully...but now I seriously think am getting onto them! I feel like am on a roller coaster ride...up..down...swirl..twirl...wheesshh!!! Hang on! Wait!

One thing at a time.

Professionally :- Its almost a year since I started my career...and I feel so 'unaccomplished'. Dunno if its expecting too much...but I feel as if I could've done a better job. Would like to give myself the leeway of it being my first job and blah blah..but..nevertheless. How can I tackle this? I guess I know. I need a punching bag first!!

Personally :- Dont even get me started on this one!! Like I said in one of the earlier posts...too much of giving and spreading myself thin. Lotsa confusion. Lotsa compliances. Lotsa compromises. I need to get a hold...a firm grip, rather.

I hate myself when I cite others/situations responsible for my state....it shows they control me. And that's not acceptable. But the way I'd like to control things also needs to be relooked at. Guess am going from that "Dependence -> Independence -> Interdependence" stage. I need to identify partners for achieving my goals. I need to learn that an individual can only do as much. I need to collaborate. Thats my developmental need for the year *Jeez, I sound like my boss! :)) *

Zarine needs a stabilising agent. Zarine has a stabilising agent. Zarine only needs to be more stable for the agent to work on her.

Whatever.


© Zarine.