2000-10

I usher in the 29th year of my life...28 years gone by, huh...without much ado, at that. By 29, my mom had all three of us, with sis & me in middle school :). I'm happy juggling professional life with a sketchy personal life.

Didnt mean to start my birthday post on such a note...but the ambience is such. I'm by myself, in my room in the central part of Guatemala city, Central America. Hindi songs from the 90s fill the room...those growing up years...somehow I always view my life from that point...its like am stuck there...I'm 18..looking at my life at 28.

How was life at 18? I had finished my 10+2 with Biology, physics & chemistry subjects. Mom & eventually Dad wanted me to be doctor...like most in my family. Munawwar Fatima was a thick friend at that point..who is now no longer a part of my life. I still rem'ber her landline number though. I didnt clear the medical entrance with kind of marks needed for a government seat. Dad was in Fiji Islands. We were staying at Granny's place. The kind of lady that she is...I never really liked her. Besides the point. I re'mber mom and my youngest maternal uncle asking me to drop a year and prepare for the medical entrance. I rem'ber my uncle's exact words "If you arnt a doctor or an engineer, the society has no respect for you." It was mom's dream. I gave in. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I didnt want to become a doctor...I didnt want the burden of so many lives been dependent on my ability to think right, at the right time. I was always someone who preferred being by herself...I couldnt imagine being ready to run at a short notice or house call. But it was a conflict between what I wanted & what mom had dreamt. What followed later is the story to be told on my 29th birthday :).

It was also the year of Hrithik Roshan :). Kaho na pyar hai released and we all got to see how insecure SRK could get. Around this time...I think Rajkumar, the Karnataka superstar, was kidnapped by Veerappan. 2000 was the first time I saw the Titanic.

I'm living in my past, aint I. The last one year has been pretty static...usual ups & downs at work & personally, nothing extreme. The crests & troughs would appear as a straight line from 10000 feet. Yes, I did tell mom & dad about him. And mom's reaction still clenches at my heart. It's like being summoned every night...to display the wound caused by the burn last night...to be burnt some more.

I feel like I'm suspended in mid air...neither falling nor being swooped away by Superman. The tension is evident. When I finally end this inertia...whether I crash land or manage a smooth one depends a lot on how this year progresses.

Have lunch with some friends tomorrow...I do know that I want a quiet birthday this year.



© Z.