June 29, 2005

Alone in the crowd.

Am becoming a loner by the day.I dont like crowds,I prefer to stay away.I go to canteen 15 mins before lunch time,have my lunch and push off before the crowd starts trickling in.In the lab,I prefer occupying a system where none will disturb me while am at work.

In the Psych class today,the Prof was forming groups for the Dissertation assignment.Groups of 3 and when he announced my name with 2 others,I simply said, "Sir,I'm going all alone on this".He insisted,so did I.Either I do it alone,or I dont do it at all. Dissertation is something that requires constant focus and I cant keep running behind people asking if they're done with their part,neither do I want a change in the quality of the paper across the topic.It'll be a herculean task,considering I'll be doing the work meant for 3 people,but as long as I get to do my own thing,I dont care.I know I'll manage.

I have my friends telling me I've become impatient and very reclusive these days.Impatient....if wanting to get the work done on time,come hell or high water is impatience,so be it.As for being reclusive....umm...I think am coming back to my elements.I rem'ber telling quite a few pals of mine how I hate talking too much.There were times when my presence was felt in a crowd/class coz of my communication skills.It's the same now,just that more than speaking too much,am speaking sense now.And when I dont think I can contribute,I prefer keeping my trap shut rather than making CP for the heck of it.

They feel am depressed these days.I feel,am beginning to realise things.Dont take anything at face value anymore.Will talk about a phenomena called "Transactional Analysis" sometime soon.

Then when someone asked me abt the number of friends I had,I would quote a 3 digit figure! Now the number doesnt go beyond 3 fingers.It's not that I've lost them,I've realised what 'Being Friends' is all about.Though the people who matter has come down,the extent to which I can go for them has increased by infinite times.

They feel I've become more serious.I feel I've grown.That line has started making more sense,"It never was about them,it always was about you." Finally,I have started mattering to me.

June 27, 2005

It's 27th of June!!!!!!!!!! :D


Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me,dear Zarine,
Happy Birthday to me...:)

June 22, 2005

Obsessed with the End.

Result Oriented.Goal Oriented.And if you happen to be in a B-School,Placement Oriented.Focus on the end.Nothing else matters if you come out with flying colors.The process,the means - be damned.

Before starting,you need to know where you are headed.Doesnt matter if most of the time you end up elsewhere,but you should always have an idea of where you want to be. Ask people to do something and the question pops up,"What will happen if I do it?" None's bothered about how it'll be done.Tht's a secondary concern.

I dunno,mebbe nothing's wrong with this approach,but should it neccesarily be this way,all the time? Why cant people simply let go and enjoy what comes,without bothering about the outcome? Is it so difficult to detach yourself from the result? Do you really need to be so sure about everything? Does it really help? And what if you knew that something wouldnt give ya a favorable result,but the process is something you'd enjoy - would you still go ahead with it?

Can you just shrug your shoulders,throw caution to the wind and say,"I dunno what I'm doing,I dunno where it'll take me,but like hell,I enjoy it!" Why does uncertainty make us so protective? Dont we trust ourselves to deal with the unseen?

It may all sound kiddish,but then what kinda life is that which is conditioned by outcomes and certainties.You havnt lived,you have just played safe.

June 18, 2005

Move On.

I have a pal who recently had a break up.They knew each other for good 10 years and fell in love in the last 4.Different cities led to a some distances in relation,but they managed fine.One fine day the dude called it off.Lady couldnt take it. Has being crying for the past 5 months.Still blames some action of hers for the happening. Goes paranoid at times. Keeps checking his mail box (he once gave her his p/d),doesnt take his calls,curses the chick the dude dumped her for and keeps crying all over again.

Get a life.If you cant handle your emotions,dont venture out into this world.Sit cocooned in your house where none will hurt you.Heart breaks happen and if you cant live with them,why fall in love in the first place? Nothing lasts forever.Nothing is yours forever either.Why abuse your body and life this way? Does the world start and end with that one person? If you say 'yes', seriously,GET A LIFE!

Bookie Taggie!

Oh k...was taking it rather leniently till one of my pals blasted me for 'breaking the chain'!..Boy,how I hate conforming to rules and doing what has to be done..:(

With due respect to Geetu,Subbu and Apurv for tagging me,I shall try to add to this noble cause..!

No. Of Books I own - Dunno...rather dont care...keep reading them - if I like them, send it over to Seema to read and if I dont,send it over to the Raddi waala.

Last 5 books I bought - Excuse me :(...but the list goes like - Kotler, Org Behv by Robbins, Fin Mgmt by Prasanna Chandra,Winning by Jack Welch and an Archies comic :D

5 Books that mean something - Umm...a toughie...

1.The Kiss - Danielle Steel - Ok,I know her work sucks,but this one was good...
2.The Alchemist - Paul Coelho - Not tht it made me realise my 'calling in life',but had few good instances here n there.
3.Ummm....
4.Lemme think.....
5.Mebbe Dilbert's Principle? :P

Seriously folks,I'm at loss here...cant recall anything that meant a 'lot' or made a difference. Books for me are just ways to either pass time,or learn something. And amongst the latter category, I tend to learn and forget :)). Tsk,tsk. Ok,5 people I tag or 'infect' with this book virus...

1.Vipul- I know you've only finished 14 pages of the novel which I lent you last month!Nevertheless,it still comes under 'Books you've read' :))
2.Hirdu - If this post clashes with your landing in India...then ignore it.Spend time with your folks.Books will be a better company in the U S of A :)
3.Suhail - Hehehheh...I know you dont blog anymore...! Mebbe you could just let us how you found 'The Love Story'? ;)
4.Puneet - Some concession for ya. You can post on the last 5 medical journals you read :P :D
5.Ranjan - Ok..your blog's not linked on mah page,but then that relieves you of tagging 5 more innocent,unsuspecting souls :))

Am kinda 100% sure,none of the 5 listed above will carry it forward.No probs folks, atleast you accomplish what I couldnt ;)

June 12, 2005

Someday...

So much has happened in the week that's gone by and hardly anytime to blog it...if this is an indicator of things to come,I doubt how much of bloggin I'll be doing once am into a job and (sigh) marriage.

Wanted to blog about false acts and masks we put on in certain situations, on how difficult it is to let your past let go of you - Yeh,sometimes it refuses to fade away n is there on ur mind all the time, on how life will be without few people am so close to and almost addicted to :(, on how Lee and Reebok are a bad choice for a family function, and what to do if you still happen to land up in them!, on why celebrating small successes matters so much...on how loving matters so much...and my exp in my Managerial Psychology class.

This post is dedicated to all those posts which never saw the ray of the cathode tube (ok,tht's a bad PJ :( )....at times I miss living my life so much...

June 01, 2005

1 down,1 more to go.

Yoohoo,II year starts! :D...All of us met each other after 4 months! And wht reactions :))! "Arey,inspite of staying in Chennai,ur color hasnt changed! U r still as dark u were before!" :))..After the registration,we all chillaxed in the canteen.And yeah,one thing everybody wholeheartedly agreed on was - Studies are of no use!! Whatever we did in our Summers was either learnt on the job or required common sense n smartness,rather than Kotler and Strategies!! We all took a resolution to open the books just before the exams n instead spend rest of the term doing something more productive!

It sure feels great to catch up with pals.But then,as all of us chose different electives,we can meet only during the breaks :(.Our college has got 11 streams n over 100 electives to choose frm!! I was sooooo confused between BPO Management and Managerial Psychology - both new courses,offered in handful schools across the globe. One was so good frm Placement Perspective,considering IT and ITes sectors are the leading recruiters in HR stream,and the other - boy,dont I love Psychology! Umm...so,so,so,so..wht to do?! Call up ppl who know u when u dunno urself for sure!! :))...Toh as always..punched 9 on the speed dial n reached Nikhil..and as always,he takes his own sweet time going in depth for every lil thing before coming to a decision! So, MP it was. BPO would be the audit course (as someone put it ;) ) will attend the classes,but will not be on the rolls for it.

As the gang sat there, discussing our 'plans' for the future, Vishwas proclaimed he had everything planned to the details. And I smiled. It doesnt work tht way,does it? :) Nothing works as per the plans. You gotta simply take life as it comes.It's how you react to the events that makes the difference. You can just have an idea of where you want to go,and make sure the path you've chosen takes you there.The detailed design of things goes wrong,as it always does. :)

Chalo...with a year full of academic rigour and pains gone, hope this one turns out to be something more on the practical side of things. God bless.