As If I Care..!

Hirdu Has tagged me for publishing my New year resolutions. Ah! Tagging reminds me of those good ol times...when we had just started blogging and the whole 'tagging' was a 'in' thing to do. Wherever one would go....there would be some post honoring some tag. Good ol times. Ok, let's get back to the topic. I checked my Jan 2007 post for 2007 resolutions and was amazed at how I did uphold some of them without realising it. Let's see how I fare in 2008. Damn, I cant think of any resolutions! :(. Umm. Ok...just one. I'll take care of myself. I know how difficult it is. Let's try :). © Zarine.

Everything cant be important. Everything cant be urgent and everything cant be "do or die". What's the fuss about?? Corporate lives are so dictated by deadlines. And half of them were to be met 'as of yesterday'. I realise (which I keep doing every now & then), we got nothing to lose we if we stop fretting & fuming. I love my Hyderabadi culture for this. "Ho jaayega...tensions kaiko lere?" Chill. I keep chasing myself...yeh karo, woh karo. Uff. Kaiko??? Nai karte. Karlo jo karna hai. Hehehehe. It'll be fun if I can say that to my Boss ;). But unfortunately, I've built for myself a repute wherein any report/ data is submitted much before the deadline. Now, that's coz I leave everything that I'm doing and finish the task who's deadline is closer. Bad. Bbbbbaaaaddddd man!!! My little over 20 months experience in Corporate life tells me that things eventually manage to happen. If you dont do it, somebody else will do it for you an...

Cobwebs are built in those areas where there's less or no activity. The human mind has many dimensions. The spiritual, the social, the self, the philosophical, the philanthropical, the practical, the materialistic & the ethical. Now, given the pace at which we live our lives, one of these is bound to be more active & another one the least. That's when cobwebs start developing in those dimensions. Our clarity of thought is affected when we try to access them. Over a period of time, we stop thinking in those dimensions & our thoughts clearly lack a 'holistic' view. It can be taxing at times if one wants to be all of the above. The point isnt to be all of the above at once....but to be one of them atleast once, over a period of time. Atleast 2 dimensions can be incorporated in daily lives, without even realising it. More than 2 would require some effort, but should be easy with practice. Now, as complex as the human mind is, the 2 dimensions that we choose to...

Today one of my best buddies, Seema along with her cute lil daughter, left for Saudi Arabia to join her husband. When she was in India , we’d talk atleast once every 2 weeks and catch up. I met up with her on my last visit to Hyd. I’m already missing her. With my mood already in the flashback mode, I switched on my comp and selected songs from 2002-2004 releases. That was the time when we were closest and had a time of our life. And while I listen to these songs, not just Seema, but couple of other pals also flashed my mind. Life was so innocent just ~6 years back. What were the worries besides lectures, notes & projects? Endless chatting on Y!...infact, 2 of my good pals now come from those mad chatting sessions…Ritesh & Zain. Glad both of them doing well for themselves in life now. But I miss those times. Life was so full of anticipation back then…there was so much to look forward to. What’s life now? It’s a series of meetings & deadlines. Week after w...

Hmm. Ajeeb dastaan hai yeh. Kahaan shuru kahan khatam....yeh manzilen hai kaunsi...na woh samajh saken na hum. 25 yrs have passed since I came into existence. Another 25...max 35 to go, if all goes well. Life seems such a waste of everything. It's all gonna end into nothing. In this short span...such short passage, we manage to make so many friends & enemies...how many we choose to forget..how many we choose to ignore...how often we break hearts & how long we nurture heart breaks. even when I say "Shrug and move on", it seems so futile. Move on to what? At such times, those cliched words come to mind..."We all have a purpose to fulfill." Somehow that purpose seems much more than anything materialistic. It seems that in this short span...God wanted us to know & to live. Know what's the whole fuss about...know that being alive means much more then breathing & earning a 'living'... It's to realise about God Himself....how He embodies...

Brrr!!! I have this bee which keeps going round and round and round in my head...irritating me no end. It’s a constant buzzzzzzz which makes me insane. It brings a frown to my face. I dunno what to call it…but it keeps reminding of all the incomplete/ failed/ dead tasks. Though I keep telling that useless gnat that if things are that way its coz others haven’t done their part…it buzzes back with “Still, it was your responsibility!!” This thought weighs me down. I feel so irresponsible. I feel like that stupid gnat…simply buzzing around with no purpose. I feel shit. I feel this...and that and that and this. I don’t care no more. That feeling is gone. Primarily, it was there not coz I didn’t deliver…it was there coz what would others think about me. Omi Gosh! How incompetent I am! Yeah, yeah. I wonder why I should live up to anyone’s expectations. Why should I strive to deliver more than expected? Why should I have a reason to live? Or to love? Or why shouldn’t I? It’s this ...

I am sad… L …things arnt turning out as they should…am bored of it now…am disinterested…I feel tired…I want a break…and I cant have one…Damn.  

And the second in those series....Boy, I made lotta sense back then too! :)) Continuing from the previous post, a key element in loving yourself is taking care of yourself. Again,easier said than done. Why does it hurt so much when people walk away from your life? Why does one feel so lonely and down? How can someone have the ability to cause us pain in such a capacity? Why cant people let go easily? Why are so many tears and heartbreaks a part of the process? Nothing lasts.Really nothing does.At the end of the day,you are all by yourself.And most of the time,you are either sad or just plain blank.You wish for someone who could've being there to share your blues,but the stark reality is...even if someone is there,s/he wont be there forever. Rem'ber before those presentations/speeches/plays in front of an audience, no matter how much anyone told u to be confident, you always had to have a lil talk with yourself , assuring yourself that everything would be ok ? Tht "C'mo...

Something that I posted 2.5 years ago...still applies... I get hurt. Mebbe others get hurt too.And cry too.And get fed up of crying.Chuck everything, and say "To hell with this world"..decide to move on.And find themselves crying again. From my observation,good and nice people cry more.Coz u wouldnt come across bigger fools than them.Am not talking abt goodness or being nice as foolishness.The problem arises when they expect others to be good too.Why will others be good to u? Jus coz u were good to them? Ha! Quid pro quo works only if someone is rubbed the wrong way.Otherwise people are happy for being treated nicely and conveniently forget about it. To be loved in return.The eternal human need.Love.People want to love someone. And want to be loved in return.And my god,what all they endure for this! If only a fraction of that effort was spent in loving oneself... Ever thought if you love yourself? How much? How do you love yourself? What do u do when you love yourself? Why is...

I had a collection of poems...almost 10 years of collection with the choicest of romantic poems I had penned for my 'Dream Guy'. They were around 40 in number. After my first break-up, I burnt them all. I vividly remember that day on the terrace when I took my diary & a matchbox along with me. One by one, I tore the pages and added them to the fire. My sis came running up & shrieked at the sight. I continued till each one was gone. Those poems were the stable factor of my life...I hung onto them... he made me destroy my support system. Allwin was glad that I let it go...all those years of expectations, dreams, hopes that every girl has of her guy...I felt like a person with no history... I usually forgive people easily. I forgave & got over him for our breakup...but I shall never forgive him for what he did to my dreams. I hope he's reading this....for I hate him more than I can ever get myself to express. © Zarine.

I was going through my first blog on blogspot and realised how much I miss my MBA days. I chose to make that blog inaccessible...one gets re-directed to this one as soon as that one loads completely. But those days....those sleepless nights...worrying about subjects just before exams and countless projects & quizzes...those pals...buddies who get so busy in their current lives that memories of those days dont hit them even once in a while...how I was such a loner in those days...staying up blogging or chatting with pals over the Internet... Now the only thread that keeps me connected to that world is my guy...someone who found a mention even in the earliest of my posts' there....its difficult to explain how it feels to have your best buddy as your life partner...it feels like treasuring a part of your life....reliving it again & again...feeling that young & stupid & vulnerable all over.... a feeling of warmth... a complete feeling... coz here's someone who knows...

Darkness flows into me... From the sky high above Or from deep within me I know not. I appear calm on the surface From the still water below Or coz of the lost wind across I know not. I dont see the stars Due to the dark clouds Or due to my misty eyes I know not. I do know I can see just you As you transcend me Smooth and slow I do know I'd vanish into a cloud If I could feel you closer Feel you like my flow. How I wish I could embrace you But your likeness reflects on me Makes me feel complete, pure & true. O Moon, if it weren't for my Land...I would go beyond for you... © Zarine.

There often has been a debate on how an “MBA” actually helps or whether an MBA has skills which warrant the kind of pay packages that they attract. And more interestingly, we also have MBAs who, once into their job, crib about it and wonder “This is why I did my MBA for? “ I experienced an instance today wherein a group of MBAs from elite business schools were doing some pretty “not so MBA” work…removing price tags from books, to be precise. The books were to be given away in a business meeting and these folks did the selection, purchasing and now were gift wrapping it. Whilst this activity was on, one of them commented “Imagine I did my MBA for this!!! I really wonder what good that degree did to me!!?” At that point, I turned around and told her, “If you hadn’t done your MBA, what you are doing now for an hour would’ve been your job, day in & day out. And the reason you are doing what you doing now, is just to remind you how better off in life you are. And yeah, being...

  If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too: If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;   If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master; If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim, If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same: If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;   If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings, And never breathe a word about your loss: If you can ...

The best things about Troubles is that they always inform about their arrival. Be it through Signs, Omens, Intuition or Sixth Sense, human mind is receives signals about the impending danger…but we always intend to ignore them. As it goes, anything that isn’t practiced loses its efficiency. So, over a period of time, the more you listen to your intuition or Sixth sense…the better it gets and vice versa.   Next time around, you get a feeling that something’s around the corner…better heed it, coz safe than sorry, rem’ber?  

When do things get out of control? When we dont control them while they were under our control!! Hehehehe. Common sense, da. Not always, though. As in, giving a good performance in an exam is under my control. But what happens to my answer sheet, isnt.   We control because we want the outcome to be as desired. Argh...my thought flow was gone haywire....I'll catch up on this post later.   Gah!  

There’s a difference between the two….being alone & being lonely. I’ve come to realize that both have a lot to do with one’s state of mind. Being alone is a choice one makes…and being lonely…well, again a choice one makes, but subconsciously. Loneliness is a state where one doesn’t enjoy anyone’s company, prefers to stay aloof, is not bothered with the affairs around and generally leads a solitary existence. When does this happen? A difficult question. Lady L often buddies up with the Dame D – Depression. And Dame D visits only after His Exalted Excellence – Excitement leaves. It’s a low after a high, a very big high (what English is that??). Excitement exhausts a person so much that sustaining that level for a long period isn’t possible. One tends to build up on it…and wants more and more tempo to be added…and somewhere the cookie crumbles. Dame D is actually important in life, if one wants to attain some sorta balance. A balanced mind treats success & failure, high ...

Abbaaahh! I’m so up to my neck with relations where the blame for its not working is on me. Yes, me. On Z. Just encountered one more. Gah, give me a break man!!! I didn’t call/ I didn’t sms/ I don’t care/ I said that/ I didn’t say that/ I have changed/ I don’t care (yes, tht keeps coming again & again)/ I should’ve done this or that/ blah blah blah…/ I don’t care. I fail to understand…when my pals have a problem with me, why don’t they talk? And why does the blame squarely lie on me? My guy thinks I pamper my pals a lot…but c’mon…they are ur buddies…you owe it to them. Come to think of it…my girl buddies have been the most hassle free ones. Each one of them. And most of my guy buddies…don’t even get me started. I pine for a normal, healthy, stress free friendship. Give it to me, folks!!!!!!! Ps:- Think abt it. Most of the time its “you did this in this way…I expected it tht way”…it’s YOUR problem if you expected it tht way…I did my bit…am sorry if it didn’t ‘...

Change. I should be christened as the Change Agent of the Year. My personal life has seen much of it. And now professional life follows suit. I move to another assignment…my third in the last 18 months! What an 18 months it has been….facilitating HR for a new business in an established Unit to facilitating it for the oldest business in the same unit. Now moving on to handling it for a new business with a totally different unit. Different customer, diff rules, diff culture. The good part? In just 1.5 years, I get to handle the entire HR dept on my own. Wing to wing. The HR health will be directly proportional to my efforts & results. Wow. That sure gives me a kick. I thought I would be apprehensive….but I have known myself enough to understand that the only time I get apprehensive is when…..umm….hmmm..err… You get it, right? J Experience man….trust it to teach you like nothing else can. Folks out in the market think (and this I know from the innumerable consultants who cal...

Test. Flunk it or fly thru!

As I often do, I was at it again. Wondering, that is. Wondering how much importance do I give to this page. This site on the internet which captures all my thoughts and feelings...stuff that it stores for me to visit and ponder that I wrote this stuff(!??). Well, as it goes with most things in my life....if you cant respect something, do away with it. Dont hang around for the sake of it. Fence sitting & ambiguity are 2 traits I have least tolerance for. :). No, am not doing away with my blog. It's been around for enough time for me to respect it. And more importantly, it has my thoughts & words in it...which makes it more respectable (some arrogance, eh?). So it shall stay...but my frequency shall go up. Ah! Everytime a blogger says this..he goes on an even longer exile. I wonder (yet again!)...why do people make promises to their blogs??? As if it had its own existence & would get cross if you didnt update it! Or maybe they make promises to the visitors...who I wonder...

Tanha yun guzarte hain, Koi saaya saath nahi... Issi lamhe ke liye Itni mehfilon ko raunak kiye the hum? Yeh mere dost hain, Apni wafa mein jeete hain Inhi ke khaatir Duniya se baaghi hue the hum? Yun mera zameer hai Mujhse juda aur ajnabee Iss kambakhth ke liye Apno se duur hue the hum? Yeh kaunsi jagah hai Kaunsa jahaan hai yeh Iss dard-e-duniya ke liye Jannat ko thukraa aaye the hum? - Zarine. © Zarine.

It's such a turmoil at times...what's right...what's wrong...peace of mind...selflessness...living for others...living for self.. Am a lil disturbed off late...and it has a lot to do with the way things are in my life right now.The more judgmental one is, the more the disgust. This is right...do it this way..tht's not how its done...In the effort to to bring in some sanity to life, we bring in lots of rules, hoping that it will streamline everything. But it again doesnt work that way, does it? Peace of mind is lost when we anticipate & experience sorrow before it comes. It's also lost when we think we deserve something & dont get it. This 'deserve' germ can actually harm us in more ways than we can imagine. Are we such good judges of self to understand what we truly deserve? Unhappiness...is majorly coz we dunno yet what makes us happy. If somebody is happy doing his own thing, and we cant do our own thing, we become unhappy. Its so relative. Why ca...

Oui mah babeh! Its been a looouuunnggg time, I say! Arey access nahi tha! Okay, thts a lie. Mood nahi tha? Shayad. Whatever. Me's shifted base to Delhi. Work in Gurgaon. What a place. (Now make whtever u want to, of tht last stmt! ;) ) Hot hai, rains bhi hain..pata nahi yaar..kuch samajh nahi aaraha...ajeeb si jagah hai. Sahi saathi ka saath warna vaat lag jaati. My blog has become soooooo boring! Bah! But they say, people who have a life off the net, have seldom any on it ;). Cold coffee...aha..in this summer..hmmmuummmm. Waise got to be in Hyd during the unfortunate incident of the bomb blast. Sukoon nahi hai logon ko..kuch na kuch karna zaroori hai. Sigh. Updates will be..am a maasi..mah best pal gave birth to a cute baby gal. Am yet to visit them.........:(((((((((((((((((((( I wanna go back to Delhiiiiiiiiiiiii..................... and not for the city, puhleez! Quote of the day :- Shut up and listen. Ciao. © Zarine.

Often what it takes to excel is - Pushing yourself to the edge - Asking the right questions - Keeping your eyes at the next level - Being excited about learning. And most importantly, be in the company of Achievers. All the best. © Zarine.

There once was a time, When neither knew for sure If this was the it For which we'd hardships endure Then came a time, When he didnt know If we'd last together For our actions went against the flow There was a time too When I didnt know If we were meant for each other For it would create a row Now is the time When we know from the Lord above Our togetherness is prime For there is no other way we know Love. © Zarine.

When old pals meet after a loooooonnnngg time A :- Hiiii!! B :- Hey man!! Whatta surprise!! A :- You bet yaar! Kaisa hai? B :- Bas chal raha hai...tu bata...? A :- Mast hai ...aur kya haal chaal.. B :- Theek thaak...sis got married last oct A :- Accha?! Great man...and u? B :- Time hai yaar..kaheko marwaa raha hai...tu bata? A :- Same here yaar... B :- Ummm..yeh...aur... A :- Aur toh bas...chal raha hai B :- How's XYZ? Koi news? I lost touch with most of them man A :- Haan..thik hi hai...kahan time milta hai yaar.. B :- Haan...true... A :- .......... B :- ........... A :- Chal toh phir milte hain.. B :- Haan boss...stay in touch, haan? A :- Of course...take care..! B :- You too! Cya. The later in life you meet with a pal/acquaintance, the shorter the first conversation will be. Its as if the feeling hasnt sunk in...and they part before it does..promising to meet again... Jab mile, tabh mil na sake.. Na jaane abh kab milenge Agli mulakaat ke bharose Iss mulakaat ko chod chale... © ...

One of the most disturbing things in life is people saying that you are changing and they dont like the change. You really dunno how to deal with that, do you? Firstly, hullo...am I really changing?? Next, why wouldnt you accept it, if you like me so much? Accha, leave the second question alone. Lets focus on the first one. Am I changing? Am getting to know more of myself, and trust me, its not a pleasant experience! So much is happening so fast...its like am moving at a top speed and have no control over the direction! Or do I? Brrrrr! I need to outgrow myself...I wanna be like a snake who sheds off the old skin and renews itself every year. The past year has been too much for me and my fragile nerves. They didnt crack, thankfully...but now I seriously think am getting onto them! I feel like am on a roller coaster ride...up..down...swirl..twirl...wheesshh!!! Hang on! Wait! One thing at a time. Professionally :- Its almost a year since I started my career...and I feel so 'unaccompl...

When most of the times in Life, we are on a lookout for that 'something special, something unique', we forget what we have with us couldnt be less special, less unique...if only we cared enough to look at it. There's this thing about one person from my past....I keep thinking about him off and on for the kind of impact he left on my life. Not surprisingly, I somehow expect to figure in his list of 'things to remember' too...only to be give myself a sad smile everytime he conveniently forgets about me. What amazes me is...its not that I dont have Love in my life now or I miss him so badly...but the fact that I expect him to recall me the way I recall him... Life moves on...wish we too did.. Woah...thanks to 19 straight hours of working..I feel my cabin floating around me now..would log off now...got a very very hectic week ahead...and need to let the Love of my life know I'm missing him right now...all alone here.. Love always, Z. © Zarine.

Satin © Zarine.

With just about 30 posts in 10 months of this blog's existence speaks a lot about how prolific am at it these days. The old one had about 140 in almost 2 years :). Wonder how much this indicates about my interests and priorities. Have never rated blogging as a TP thing, but the fact that I write less now....does it mean am talking to myself a lot more lesser? Just a lil amused that how much I've learnt to live with Life, as it is. Taking things in my stride, compromising, being least bothered at times. 30 times in last 10 months...thats so unlike Z. I know, deep down am keeping a low profile. As I keep discovering about myself, the more I choose to stay silent. (Btw, won a Silver Award for my performance. With 8 months of work ex under my belt...sounds good :) ). The only time I get flustered is when things dont go as planned at my work life. Have become such a stickler for perfect execution that misses get to me. Personally, its being a roller-coaster. I feel totally sapped e...