As If I Care..!

Its been a while since I had a heart to heart chat with this blog. With this html text page with links & codes because my friends are too busy for me. Never mind. It’s such tumultuous times out here. The pressure and stress I’m undergoing is beyond me. Am between roles…and what a way I’m in between roles! My past role has my replacement already onboard. My next role is under discussion. So basically neither here nor there. How does one react in such situations? When in the past one year you have been so bogged down with work that “spare time” seemed like nirvana. But hey. It’s ok to be in ambiguous situations. Its great if the next role materializes. Its ok if it doesn’t. Something else will. I might want to enjoy this interim period of fewer expectations and pressures. Personally, things are beginning to hit choppy waters. I don’t even know how to put across the anxieties I face daily. 24 hours. And then I have this nagging headache. Woah…I don’t wanna head for a nervous breakdown...

Its funny & weird and oh so déjà vu. The ability to screw up things. The thought that you can talk your mind with someone and yet not impact your relation. That the other person would put things in perspective and not react. It just doesn’t work. Never. You ALWAYS have people taking decisions and sounding you off for thinking x,y,z and how things can never be the same. And of course, the done to death “you have changed” tone which’ll make you wince and wonder why did you even bother talking in the first place. Just let things be. Status quo.   If you have an issue with someone you care for, don’t talk about it. Seldom does honesty find a deserving audience.

Am desperately searching for the "Dancing Jodi" video from Rab ne bana di jodi. The one in the climax wherein they dance and win the first prize (wow..!..duh!) Plllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssseeeeeeee paste the link if any of u finds it... © Z.

The presence of Love in our lives is seldom noticed till it goes missing. Its presence becomes a default requirement...a taken for granted virtue..something we dont spare much thought for. Spend a lonely hour, a day filled with emptiness, a life recalling memories and imagining what could have been, make you realise Love is such a precious thing. You cant trade it off for anything else...its all compromise thereafter. Love comes in all ways & forms unimagined. It's those few who realise just in time and hang on it...the remaining keep searching for what was theirs once. Aaye tum yaad mujhe...gaane lagi har dhadkan... © Z.

I'm very anxious. Was all along getting ready for this roller coaster ride...infact experienced the joys of post ride before the ride! It's like working backwards...now getting on to the ride...dont really want to think what, how, why...will handle things as they come (as a good ol vipz advised) Carry me through this good Lord. © Z.

Oh yeah..I had to update about the remaining diet days…ummm… Day 3 was bananas & milks & soup…so u can imagine how it went! Started with banana shake...and veg soup and then some more veg soup and bananas and then some milk. If anyone wants to know how a banana fed cow looks like, meet me. Day 4 was all fruits & veg. Same old soup and same old fruits. I can sense their disdain when I reach out for them in the fridge. Day 5 was chicken & tomatoes. NOW WE ARE TALKING!! I made some nice chicken stew. ZERO oil. This lasted me till tea time. Dinner was Minced chicken..yumm! Day 6 was chicken & veggies. No chicken today as had no time to shop. Had the usual veggie fare. Day 7 was rice & veggie & fruits. Had everything except the ones mentioned here. So, Day 7 marked end of a uneventful diet program. The results? Well well…didn’t check!! Actually, didn’t bother to. But I have lost some inches and few of my old clothes which were on brink o...

All veggie day. Starts with 2 boiled potatoes with a pat of butter (part of diet, before you wince!). Lunch was Subway veggie salad...some more of veggie salad in the eve. I was feeling drowsy the whole day...infact, the morning began with a headache. As the clock ticked, I was getting more cranky and edgy. Towards the evening, went for a movie. Heehaahaaa..had a veggie sandwich & a tub of butter popcorn. And Pepsi. Day 2 ruined. Sigh. © Z.

Day I of GM Diet is all fruits day, except bananas. So the day begun with fruit salad...followed by apple..then guavas...then some chikoos...then pomegranate...and it was just 2 pm :(. Hunger pangs every 30 mins! Had lots of water thru the day. Had to visit a batchmate's wedding in the eve. Well..err..had some spring rolls and paneer pakoras...but the dinner was a fruit plate. Duh. It's so uncool, this diet. © Z.

There has been no mortal (the female kinds specially) who would not get charmed by the idea of losing weight without working out! Latest victim is yours truly. The GM Diet begins tomorrow. © Z.

1. How can emotions rule finance? 2. How do you give unto someone, when you actually wanted her to give unto you? 3. How do you have your hands across something that's splitting from all sides? 4. How can time just fly when you were worried all day about how it will pass by? 5. Why do people want to control & micro manage? 6. What kind of people are control freaks? 7. How can you keep making promises to yourself and not honor them? 8. How can you be sure about your decision? 9. How do you provide solace to a upset heart thats given up on hope? 10. How can you make yourself do something that you just dont want to do? 11. Why would you want to do something that you dont want to do? 12. Why cant you not do what you dont want to do? 13. Why does it matter so much if it wasnt meant to be done? 14. What if it was meant to be, but you dont want to do it? 15. Back to Q # 10 16. Why is life so fucked up? 17. Do I have to round it off to 20 Qs? 18. What if I dont want to? 19. And who car...

It gets so increasingly frustrating. You have 100 people around with 10000 expectations. Add to these, you have 1000 more people who you are responsible for with 1000000 more. And if you dont live upto even 1 of them, its catastrophe. You have either changed or dont care or are irresponsible or simply the issue is escalated, if it can be. I'm beginning to detest it now. Everywhere I turn, I have people expecting something out of me, with timelines attached!! Who do I turn to?? Is there a single person I can bank on to partner with me throughout this without having to keep knocking doors for help everytime? I understand the pressure and its not as if its something I've not dealt with before. But now...I'm losing all the interest & zeal to handle it. It all seems just so not worth it... God, you are aware, arnt you? HELP ME. PLEASE. © Z.

Once you cross 25…you begin to count. Not just days & months as they etch by, but also those memories of 2.5 decades…which tend to grow more wooly, indistinct and far off if you don’t keep jogging your cells often. During my brunch which consisted of Maggi noodles (and this despite several vows to eat healthy), my mind took a leafed through the History book...(my! I sound Neanderthal) to check on entries matching “Maggi+Noodles”. I think my first word did start with an “M”…no...not Mama/Mummy…yes...you got that right! I must’ve opened one eye…looked up at the crowd of curious adults staring down at me and bawled, “Maaaaaagggggggggggiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii” and Nestlé’s marketing director who was having his kid delivered in the next room must’ve quickly obliged. Maggi was everywhere when I grew up…it was a prize for behaving well…it was the tool to pataofy me…it was there in the lunch box…during the dinners…during the brunch…and even when you weren’t hungry but reall...

Eid marks end of Ramadan...a month which teaches you the virtues of Will Power & Control. Control your temptations, desires & everything which you'd normally go overboard with ;). God bless...we all need Him. © Z.

There's something about travels. After reading this by Vipul, I took a trip down the memory lane. I aint someone who enjoys traveling. Or so I thought. It turned out to be one of the thousand things which I think I dont like and end up doing. Shows how warped my sense of my own liking & disliking is :). I discover that I dont like lengthy commuting...which am sure most of us dont. Coming back to the point, there is something about traveling & journeys. I've been to just 3 places wherein we just backpacked and left. Agra, Mussorie & Manali. There's this suspended feeling...you know...you are in a place where nobody knows you...every moment is a discovery...you try to hold on your own when your being actually wants to get lost amidst the unknown crowds...you feel so...fulfilled. The feeling makes you realise there's so much more to life than office & home drudgery. It's been close to 6 months since my last travel...but I can still recall how I felt...

And so the day begins…total misalignment. Assuming today is Thursday, when it actually is Friday…I messed u p couple of meetings. And what’s worse…I missed my Friday fast as well. What’s going on?

Today…I reacted to a bad news in a very bad manner….I should learn to control my emotions.

Phew!! After much deliberation, procrastination, frustration & desperation I've designed my own blog template. Right from the background, header, dividers, font to spacing et al . YES!!! Need to fix few issues in this one as well...dunno why it loads to the rightside before centrally aligning itself....any thoughts? Edit:- Now my Almighty knows how many changes I've done to this blog to finally reach here. This look is better than the chocolate one. Very spacious...has a nice airy feel to it. This stays. Till I start getting those template change bouts again!!! © Zarine.

Now this post was long in the offing...but never stuck me to actually publish it. Zodiac Analysis! Yes! Am now gonna write down my experiences with each sun sign and if any of you belong to the "wrong" ones...HARD LUCK. To begin with the ones I avoid with a barge pole. Sagittarius Aquarius AND Capricorn While the first 2 are simply irritating bunch of people, I've not met a single Capricorn who hasnt hurt me. Next in line... Gemini Aries Geminis. Sigh. Who will tell them the planet revolves around the Sun NOT them?! Chatterbugs & Attention Hoggers. One of the most self centered signs. I cant fathom how can one go on & on about him/herself to such an extent. But yeah...you can count on them to cheer you up when you are in the dumps. Aries. Hyper Active or Hyper Lazy. Their favt prayer is either "God grant me patience...and do it right NOW!" or "God grant me energy...can you do that tomorrow?" Not a bad bunch actually...shouldnt be clubbed with G...

Am so fed up of changing my blog skins everytime!! Something or the other messes up the old one and I have to go shopping again! vipul...pls help me tweak this one :((( © Zarine.

It's been a while. Things havnt changed much between the last post & this one. Except that I find myself a bit more confident these days. Owe it to the promotion & a direct reportee or owe it to the fact that you've seen enough to know that things just happen. The world doesnt crash if you dont meet the deadlines. Hasnt yet, ever. Not really a retrospective post this, but more of an observation kinds. Observation fed by thoughts of near & dear ones. "You should often do what you fear the most. This way death of fear is certain" - Mark Twain How do we define our fears? By the consequences? I'm actually scared of ghosts. And dogs. But I still remember all those nights when there was no power & my mind made things just more difficult. It would be difficult to sleep as I'd be on high alert. Now, why do I fear ghosts? Coz I have no control over them and I cant possibly combat them either. That's the problem. If I knew that on sighting a ghost yo...