As it comes

It'll be three decades in ~3 years time, since I was born. The question "what have you done so far" surprisingly doesnt bother me as I realise that, this race to "do something" since we were kids, has consumed so much of our lives...that only success and its relative supriority to others success' and lives seems relevant.

I'd rather want to ask myself...how much of these three decades of your life do you remember? How many moments have left their mark on your mind's tracks? How many people from then are still part of your now? What have you discovered about yourself that will make the coming years more fruitful? What have you denied and what have you compromised on? What are your moments of glory? And I'd want all of these to be absolute moments...not a "I beat her to the top rank"...rather "I felt good about doing this... I didnt think I could do it" type of stuff.

This life is over so fricking fast that one doesnt realise what's slippin thru...its gone just like that. And increasingly what matters more is that feeling of being incharge of your life...knowing that mebbe you arnt right about the direction or the speed...but you'll control whatever happens. Of knowing that being right or wrong or judgemental about people isnt so cool anymore...its understanding the situation and their corresponding behaviors...and leaving it at that. I can't get myself to imagine the time wasted on shredding people's personalities and judging them on their tastes/dresses/nationalities/religion/preferences. It seems like everytime I'm judging someone...I'm playing a trivial game with myself...making myself believe something about the other person basis my frame of reference. Futile exercise. Now that I make a conscious effort to avoid this...it feels like a free flow of my own energy...its not clogged with prejudices...its breathing in every experience and living and growing as the moments pass.

Prejudices can be hard to do away with. Often one pays a big price...as its some way of conformance. Non conformance never came cheap. And sometimes in life...the price you have to pay decides your next action and it could defy all your thoughts and belief systems.

Whichever it may be and however we choose to react...let the conscience breath freely and have a heart that feels content.

And this one aimless ranting...comes as part of mid life crisis.


© Z.

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