As If I Care..!

Today one of my best buddies, Seema along with her cute lil daughter, left for Saudi Arabia to join her husband. When she was in India , we’d talk atleast once every 2 weeks and catch up. I met up with her on my last visit to Hyd. I’m already missing her. With my mood already in the flashback mode, I switched on my comp and selected songs from 2002-2004 releases. That was the time when we were closest and had a time of our life. And while I listen to these songs, not just Seema, but couple of other pals also flashed my mind. Life was so innocent just ~6 years back. What were the worries besides lectures, notes & projects? Endless chatting on Y!...infact, 2 of my good pals now come from those mad chatting sessions…Ritesh & Zain. Glad both of them doing well for themselves in life now. But I miss those times. Life was so full of anticipation back then…there was so much to look forward to. What’s life now? It’s a series of meetings & deadlines. Week after w...

Hmm. Ajeeb dastaan hai yeh. Kahaan shuru kahan khatam....yeh manzilen hai kaunsi...na woh samajh saken na hum. 25 yrs have passed since I came into existence. Another 25...max 35 to go, if all goes well. Life seems such a waste of everything. It's all gonna end into nothing. In this short span...such short passage, we manage to make so many friends & enemies...how many we choose to forget..how many we choose to ignore...how often we break hearts & how long we nurture heart breaks. even when I say "Shrug and move on", it seems so futile. Move on to what? At such times, those cliched words come to mind..."We all have a purpose to fulfill." Somehow that purpose seems much more than anything materialistic. It seems that in this short span...God wanted us to know & to live. Know what's the whole fuss about...know that being alive means much more then breathing & earning a 'living'... It's to realise about God Himself....how He embodies...

Brrr!!! I have this bee which keeps going round and round and round in my head...irritating me no end. It’s a constant buzzzzzzz which makes me insane. It brings a frown to my face. I dunno what to call it…but it keeps reminding of all the incomplete/ failed/ dead tasks. Though I keep telling that useless gnat that if things are that way its coz others haven’t done their part…it buzzes back with “Still, it was your responsibility!!” This thought weighs me down. I feel so irresponsible. I feel like that stupid gnat…simply buzzing around with no purpose. I feel shit. I feel this...and that and that and this. I don’t care no more. That feeling is gone. Primarily, it was there not coz I didn’t deliver…it was there coz what would others think about me. Omi Gosh! How incompetent I am! Yeah, yeah. I wonder why I should live up to anyone’s expectations. Why should I strive to deliver more than expected? Why should I have a reason to live? Or to love? Or why shouldn’t I? It’s this ...

I am sad… L …things arnt turning out as they should…am bored of it now…am disinterested…I feel tired…I want a break…and I cant have one…Damn.