As If I Care..!

Umm...ho hummmm....mmmmmm...errrr....aaahhhhhh...eeeemmmmm....OK DAMN here it is :- I've resumed painting after more than 10 years and am shit scared coz I dunno if i rem'ber anything abt it and I did try today and I'm still little naive about the whole thing and am ok with the pencils and not so ok with the sketches and have managed to do a decent job with the water colors and the more I try to improvise them the worse they get so I decided to just let them be and the rate at which am using my water colors, am gonna run out of them in a month's time!! That was the longest sentence of my life. *RUNS* © Zarine.

I was listening to this Veer Zaara song "Tere Liye" and suddenly recalled how I bawled uncontrollably in the theater! I mean, I was us fine till the scene before that...and as soon Preity walks in & the music begins, tears roll down! That moment when they face each other after 22 yrs...man....I couldnt control myself! Imagine....here you are...your life ruined & everything lost...and you still carry on just because of the one person who you love so much....you give up on your life just to withhold that person's dream/dignity...when you pretty well know you can never get him...when you have given up hope of ever seeing him again...and there he is! The person who you revered in your thoughts for more than 2 decades, standing before you. In the same deplorable condition as you were, for the same 22yrs. For the same reason as yours. For the same love. Bawl!!!!!!!!!! Am gonna cry again!!!!!!!!!!! © Zarine.

God is such a personal aspect of one's life. We come across so many people citing how God should be worshiped, how your relation with Him should be and the usual Do's & Dont's. There might be times when you dont relate to what's been preached, but you are apprised that you do not know since it requires an understanding at a higher level or that people with more insight & knowledge say its right...and hence it should be right. So there you are...confused. Should you go by what your nubile mind thinks or what a more knowledgeable mind preaches. You might tread the latter path for the fear of doing something wrong in your ignorance. But even if you still do something 'wrong' due to your ignorance in your quest of understanding God, does the Almighty view it so severely? I dont understand the "God-fearing" funda. Can you love & accept someone wholeheartedly if you feared Him? There's always this barrier of fear. The constant act of getting ...

Damn, letting go can be tough. But it's an exhilarating feeling once you that. Am letting go of my life...stop being a control freak. There's no point losing your cool over something you have no control over. On the ones you do, why lose control when you can mend it right? Dont control...other reactions, their expectations, the outcomes, their thoughts, your fears, your heart, your mind & "the-way-it-should-be"s. And voila! You'll discover how much you've been missing in life! And a parting line from one of favt songs :- When you want it the most there's no easy way out When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt Don't give up on your faith Love comes to those who believe it And that's the way it is And this is for my best buddy :- I can read your mind and I know your story and I see what you're going through yeah It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry But I know it will come to you yeah When life is...