As If I Care..!

Amazingly boring day at work…dead slow pace…dead pan faces…the only thing that makes me smile is my FB updates mail…some status msgs must be framed, I say!

Ha ha ha ha. Mazaa aaya aaja. Kisi ka kisi ko bheja hua SMS maine galti se padh liya. Ha ha ha ha. Mere boss ka meri subordinate ko bheja hua SMS. Thoda scandalous types.. ;). Mazaa aaya ji mazaa aaya. ;)

Getting bitter about people and circumstances can be so easy at times…heck, its easy all the time. Its so often a product of what you value against what others do…or difference in perspectives or simply not getting what you want. I find myself either irate or depressed or frustrated a lot these days. It’s like I’m asked to order what I want to eat and everytime I order something…its either not available/ will take years to make/ if made, doesn’t taste the same.   “An orange juice, please.”   “Sorry, not available”   “Do you have pineapple?”   “Yes, but we dont serve pineapple juice..it will be served diced”   “Umm..ok, do you have vanilla ice cream to accompany it?”   “No..we have Strawberry”   (Strawberry & Pineapple??)   “Ok..then can you get me a strawberry milk shake?”   “N...

We are moving to a new office and seats were being assigned. So, the alignment started basis hierarchy and the VP/AVP population obviously choose the corner cabins/cubicles. Next in line were the Senior Managers, with yours truly being one of them. Now there were 5 cubicles left and 7 SMs to be seated. So, in a common sense scenario, you’d look at the profile & the job requirement and take a call. For eg. If someone is on a lot of customer calls, he gets one or if someone is in a role which has a higher privacy demand, he gets one. But lo & behold, how did we decide? We picked chits!! Yes!! School is not yet over and we still make long standing decisions by picking chits!!   And guess what? HR didn’t get a cubicle..(mebbe my boss isn’t lucky enough..I should’ve picked mine!!) and we, the ones whose main job is discussing about employees’ & their related concerns, will now sit in proximity with Operations. Bang in the middle of the flo...

wow..its been 2 months since i last updated this space. Never realised how difficult a self motivated change is...u r ur inspiration...u r ur detractor.  Never mind. Keep walking. © Z.

I really don’t know how it feels to leave an organization..have been with the same one since my career started...people seem so happy and care free when they are in the exit mode!! I want to leave too!! But I will have to clock another 17 months before I can...sniff sniff    

                                                                                   So often I find myself in this situation....wherein you dont want to be with a particular bunch of people..coz obv u dont like them or the way they are...but they are having fun and chilling out..and you want to be part of that 'fun'...so you are like.."ok...lets compromise" and u actually dont end up having either your self respect or that 'fun'. This whole thing of being accepted is so wicked. Why the hell dont I have people I can easily gel with, around me? Its often those vain, bitchy creatures w...

Normally, she wouldnt take up something she wouldnt do justice to. But this time around, there was a conflict in her mind. Her heart said, "Let's do it!!" but her mind was cautious. "I'm not sure", it said, "It would change a lot of things" "So, what..? Have never done something like this...and given the odds, you might make it through." "Hmm. Are you sure you want to do this?" "YES" "...Ok...lets go." And with this last thought, she took the leap from the 45th storey of her office building. End of story. Literally & figuratively. © Z.

I am feeling happy today. :) I got infected by some queasy worm in my tummy and had allergic reactions all over my body :). Mom and dad learnt about it and called 5 times in last 24 hours :). My khaala who's my favt doc in the world called thrice :). After having lived by myself for such a long time and being kinda self dependent for everything...it felt great to have folks call up and trying to take care, atleast remotely :). I feel so cared for :) I do talk to Mom & Dad almost every other day...but these calls were something else...beyond expression. I miss home.. © Z.

The normal way to decide if someone is dependable or not is measuring how many times they've lived upto their commitment or deliverable. But at times, you get this 'sense' that someone is dependable. This is most often triggered by the person's aura or the way they carry themselves. So if someone is charming and makes you feel at ease, its easy to believe that they are dependable. Not always, though. People who are aware of their weaknesses often do a great job at hiding them. If I know I'm not dependable...I will atleast portray an image to the contrary. This helps me decide which ones to be dependable for or even hide behind my "good aura". If you have 2 people, 1 who does the work but starts with a "I dunno if I'll do it.." or "I hate doing this"..and another who starts with "Sure, why not" and eventually does not do it...its easier for people to believe the latter to be more dependable than the former. Coz..u built...

I usher in the 29th year of my life...28 years gone by, huh...without much ado, at that. By 29, my mom had all three of us, with sis & me in middle school :). I'm happy juggling professional life with a sketchy personal life. Didnt mean to start my birthday post on such a note...but the ambience is such. I'm by myself, in my room in the central part of Guatemala city, Central America. Hindi songs from the 90s fill the room...those growing up years...somehow I always view my life from that point...its like am stuck there...I'm 18..looking at my life at 28. How was life at 18? I had finished my 10+2 with Biology, physics & chemistry subjects. Mom & eventually Dad wanted me to be doctor...like most in my family. Munawwar Fatima was a thick friend at that point..who is now no longer a part of my life. I still rem'ber her landline number though. I didnt clear the medical entrance with kind of marks needed for a government seat. Dad was in Fiji Islands. We wer...

My boss quit. Sigh. She was a nice lady.   Shit happens.   Which brings me to the theory I have been postulating for some time....that my relation with any boss doesn’t last usually beyond 6-9 months...either they quit or I move out. The good ones quit, I move out when its a jerk.   For my personal records, the bosses list below   Apr 06 – Started working Jul 06 – Boss 1 moves to Corporate Feb 07- Boss 2 quits; Boss 3 is a super jerk May 07 – I change cities..Boss 4 is nice Sept 07 – I move across to a diff business..Boss 5 is ok Mar 08 – Boss 5 quits Aug 08 – Boss 6 quits, Boss 7 is a jerk Feb 09 – As part of the leadership prgm, I move on a rotation. Boss 8 is the worse of the lot Dec 09 – The worse had to be there for the longest period. Ass. Jan 10 – Feb 10 – No boss Mar 10 – Boss 9 is nice Jun 10 – Boss 9 quits. Boss 10 is nice as well Aug 10 ...

Seriousness of life has stuck in me in the past few days. What's important and whats not so important. What's a fleeting glory and what is long lasting happiness. So often decisions are made keeping the here and now in mind...we like to think it'll all add up to what we want to do in life. Sometimes it doesnt even fall in line with what we want to do, but we do it nevertheless. I've realised the importance of being around with your folks coz one never knows when they might need you..this whole shit of exploring the world is good for a vacation, not as a long term option. The fact that I have people - friends  & family - who knew me as a kid, still in my life means the world to me. Really it does. It's so imp to be there for them ... Am all senti in this post...just waiting to fly home... © Z.

I’m going mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA    

Patience patience patience   I’ve slogged and done in 60 days what my precedessor didn’t in 1 year. And now…right before my performance review, my boss is hospitalized. Jinx, thou name is Zarine!

Until it passes by, the worth of the opportunity doesn’t strike u.   FCUK.

If you cant fix it, forget it

As the feather floats eerily into the room I look upon and wonder Where did I see this one before? As it gradually agrees with its gravity I hold my gaze steadfast Does this bring some ol memories to the fore? As it glides on, slowly but surely I ponder... do I hold on or let go? The dainty being settles to its fate I cant tear away Can the connect now built be foregone? As its poised calmly at its shore I send my thoughts across May they rest with thee, dear feather... For they no longer belong to me © Z.

They extended my stay here by 3 months. So I'll be back by Aug end. My first reaction to this news was "Uh Oh". Mebbe I should've been happy abt it...that they like my work and want me to do some more projects (read dirty my hands more) for them, but what concerned me was Vish. And his reaction...confirmed my fears. My poor baby :(... © Z.

A good ol' friend has been after my life to post this...trust her to come up with weird ideas!! Now what exactly is it?? Its a letter to your kid..yeh, beat that! :D So I'm to write a letter to my kid and tell him (yes, i want a boy) of all the gyan i learnt in my life. I think I can redirect him to this blog and he'll stop taking his mom seriously. Ok..what pearls of wisdom do I have for my lil devil...lemme dig the treasure trove of my mind :P..ah..here they are :- Learn to deal with Cognitive Dissonance (hahahaha) There will always be a right thing to do and a good thing to do...unless u screw urself coz of the latter, u wont realise the wisdom of the former Love your parents...they cleaned after your shit Serious one - Dont let anyone tell you that you cant do something. And dont take everything that everyone tells seriously Have friends...lots of them...but have a circle u can bank on to pull the rug from right under ur feet when u r having  ...