As If I Care..!

One of the reasons I made this blog private was...I really wanted to vent out a lot of stuff without fear. All the people who can read this are the ones who know what's on in my life. It's dark and cold. Just got off a call with my school pal. It's so important that as you grow old...you ought to have those people who knew you when you were young.  Anyways, the discussion veered around friends getting married, some becoming proud parents, to pestlike colleagues, personal lives et al. I do envy some of them for being happily married and settled down...and their posting gorgeous pics doesnt help either. To be honest, when I do ask myself, what do I envy them for...its for the certainty in their lives. From where I look, they have good jobs in good companies, have a good partner and a good family life. Atleast, that's what all those pictures suggest. I miss those in mine. Ok...I do have a good job in a good company...but it could've been better. Ok...am getting ...

And so the day begins…total misalignment. Assuming today is Thursday, when it actually is Friday…I messed u p couple of meetings. And what’s worse…I missed my Friday fast as well. What’s going on?

Today…I reacted to a bad news in a very bad manner….I should learn to control my emotions.

Am so fed up of changing my blog skins everytime!! Something or the other messes up the old one and I have to go shopping again! vipul...pls help me tweak this one :((( © Zarine.

Umm...ho hummmm....mmmmmm...errrr....aaahhhhhh...eeeemmmmm....OK DAMN here it is :- I've resumed painting after more than 10 years and am shit scared coz I dunno if i rem'ber anything abt it and I did try today and I'm still little naive about the whole thing and am ok with the pencils and not so ok with the sketches and have managed to do a decent job with the water colors and the more I try to improvise them the worse they get so I decided to just let them be and the rate at which am using my water colors, am gonna run out of them in a month's time!! That was the longest sentence of my life. *RUNS* © Zarine.

Bloody helll!! Sometimes it gets just so damn difficult!! You’d want someone you can shout at and bully coz there has to be some outlet to the anger simmering inside you!!!! That also shows how mentally instable you are! And how you’d want to feed your ego by doing all this. Wont help ya, kid. Trust me, it’ll only get more pathetic. And keechad se dur raho agar apne haath saaf rakhna ho to.

I had a collection of poems...almost 10 years of collection with the choicest of romantic poems I had penned for my 'Dream Guy'. They were around 40 in number. After my first break-up, I burnt them all. I vividly remember that day on the terrace when I took my diary & a matchbox along with me. One by one, I tore the pages and added them to the fire. My sis came running up & shrieked at the sight. I continued till each one was gone. Those poems were the stable factor of my life...I hung onto them... he made me destroy my support system. Allwin was glad that I let it go...all those years of expectations, dreams, hopes that every girl has of her guy...I felt like a person with no history... I usually forgive people easily. I forgave & got over him for our breakup...but I shall never forgive him for what he did to my dreams. I hope he's reading this....for I hate him more than I can ever get myself to express. © Zarine.